Crawl

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Crawl: (v) to move on the hands and knees

It is a story found in the Good Book. What makes that book good are the tales that enlighten us, inspire us and cause us to question our mediocre choices instead of covering them with the doctrine of grace.

She was a woman.

This particular lady in this specific story had been crippled for eighteen years. The passage has a detailed description of her problem—she was bowed over, couldn’t walk, and basically found herself uncomfortably situated in some sort of heap, lying on the ground.

Jesus comes upon her. She is some distance away from him, and the assumption is made by everyone in the room that he would walk over, talk to her for a few minutes, and then do some of his jim-dandy magic and heal her. But that’s not what he does.

He calls her to him.

Yes, he requests of this disabled, disheartened woman, that she make the journey across the room, pulling herself along on her arms, elbows and thighs—inch-by-inch making her way to his side.

Can you can imagine the reaction of the room? “This is gross. He’s making her crawl.”

The woman does not complain.

The prospect of being made whole, improved, or even just included was worth it.

She crawled to Jesus.

He did not make her do this because he was a son-of-a-bitch. He wasn’t trying to showcase his authority.

He was giving her a chance to be an intricate part of her own miracle. “Crawl over here and get your blessing.”

Even though each one of us may feel it is cruel or unusual, there are times that we cannot heal the psychological burden of our pain unless we feel as if we are making the crawl to our solution.

I have crawled.

I have made the crawl in joy.

I have crawled, knowing that without the crawl, I would not be able to overcome the anxiety in my soul.

After the crawl came the miracle.

Now…imagine that.

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Counterattack

Counterattack: (n) an attack made as an offset or reply to another attack.

No one likes a brat. It must stop at ten years of age. Yes, no one who has lived over a decade is truly allowed to be a brat without being called out—or possibly executed.

Yet, in our stiff-necked, less-than-humble spirits, we try to sneak into our adult lives what we shall call bratisms. These are words, phrases, funny wisdom on words that begin with a Caccusations, intimidations and even religious doctrines which allow us to be snotty in the name of some greater good.

It’s how we have come up with the term “taking the high road” when referring to a decision not to counterattack someone who chooses to insult us.

You see, taking the high road is a bratism—because if we choose not to do so, since it was the high road in the first place, we can claim that we just didn’t bring along our hiking boots. In other words, “we did our best, but when that son-of-a-bitch called us sons-of-bitches, well, he needed to be told that he’s a double son-of-a-bitch.”

And back and forth it goes.

The Jews and Palestinians have been fighting for thousands of years. Every once in a while, they have to find a new reason—a bratism. Otherwise they might have to consider why they are fussing in the first place and ponder the possibility of reconciliation.

We must create a bratism about men and women being at odds with each other. Otherwise, we might need to strike a deal concerning our mutual overall compatibility.

We need a bratism so we can call “them folks over there” third world, despots, dictators and evil. Otherwise, we’re going to have to concede that they apparently occupy part of the Earth, and short of a plague sent from the heavens, will be around for a while.

As we enter this season of politics, we once again hear people firing warning shots of attacks to be initiated.

These are followed by volleys and threats of counterattacks—done with just enough grown-up flair to escape being cursed as bratty.


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Come

Come: (v) to move or travel toward or into a place

I am tired.

Come.

You don’t understand.

Come.

I mean, I’ve been mistreated–beaten around.

Come.

Did I mention, I also feel sick.

Come.

Sick and tired and worn out.

Come.

I’ve tried everything.

Come.

I really don’t believe there’s a solution.

Come.

No one listens to me.

Come.

Maybe I should say, no one hears me.

Come.

People are sons-of-a-bitches.

Come.

I’m afraid.

Come.

I’m needing comfort and understanding.

Come.

What do you have to offer?

Come.

No–I want to hear the plan.

Come.

Matter of fact, I insist on seeing a contract, negotiating a deal, having long conversations about this and finding the perfect set-up for myself, so I don’t have to go through this shit again.

Stay.

 

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Colleague

Colleague: (n) a person with whom one works

A colleague is what we call a friend we go into business with…and it’s the first day.

Day 4 we’re calling the same person a “partner.”

Day 10, the word “adversary” slips in.

And by Day 30, “son of a bitch” seems appropriate.

Thus is the evolution of human involvement.

We always start off with our ideals and goals way too high. Putting ourselves on such a pinnacle makes the fall from such heights nearly lethal.  I, on the other
hand, like to perch my dreams on mushroom caps–awfully close to the ground, with just a little rise and a nice wide seat for my big butt.

I realize that the chance of two people remaining colleagues while still abiding on Planet Earth is similar to finding a movie you really enjoy at the Cannes Film Festival. (I mean, you think you should enjoy the flicks. It’s pointed out to you why you should appreciate them, but there still seems to be something missing.)

And what’s missing with the concept of “colleague” is that we’re very human, and tend to be human with each other at the same time. For instance, if one person was human and the other a bit divine, it would be great. The idea of both parties being divine at the same time is, of course, ludicrous.

What normally happens is that two human beings arrive at the same situation, with raw human emotion–and act like monkeys. Perhaps I insult the little apes.

We revert. We begin to feel that if we don’t have top billing, we don’t have any billing.

Finding a colleague is similar to establishing a relationship with God.

You have to understand that He (or She) has a will.

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