Conjugal

Conjugal: (adj) relating to marriage or the relationship of a married couple

I got stuck on a panel, discussing sexuality and marriage.

After a considerable amount of back-and-forth sharing of statistics and anecdotes, the forum deteriorated into a deliberation over whether “two is enough and is six too many?”

How many times per week should a healthy married couple have sex?funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Here’s the real answer: married people should have a conjugal visit with one another when they’re horny.

Otherwise, one person is standing at a slight distance pouting, wondering if the other person loves them, since “touchy-feely” hasn’t happened within the past seventy-two hours. Yet there was a time when the two couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

If “horny” does not rule the day on human sexuality, and it isn’t stimulated by the great respect and admiration you feel for your partner, and how you kind of feel like a conqueror, to be able to ravage this extremely talented individual, then you will be setting up a schedule to take vitamins.

And as in the case of taking vitamins, you will decide that you do feel a little better since you started swallowing your medicine.

 


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Colleague

Colleague: (n) a person with whom one works

A colleague is what we call a friend we go into business with…and it’s the first day.

Day 4 we’re calling the same person a “partner.”

Day 10, the word “adversary” slips in.

And by Day 30, “son of a bitch” seems appropriate.

Thus is the evolution of human involvement.

We always start off with our ideals and goals way too high. Putting ourselves on such a pinnacle makes the fall from such heights nearly lethal.  I, on the other
hand, like to perch my dreams on mushroom caps–awfully close to the ground, with just a little rise and a nice wide seat for my big butt.

I realize that the chance of two people remaining colleagues while still abiding on Planet Earth is similar to finding a movie you really enjoy at the Cannes Film Festival. (I mean, you think you should enjoy the flicks. It’s pointed out to you why you should appreciate them, but there still seems to be something missing.)

And what’s missing with the concept of “colleague” is that we’re very human, and tend to be human with each other at the same time. For instance, if one person was human and the other a bit divine, it would be great. The idea of both parties being divine at the same time is, of course, ludicrous.

What normally happens is that two human beings arrive at the same situation, with raw human emotion–and act like monkeys. Perhaps I insult the little apes.

We revert. We begin to feel that if we don’t have top billing, we don’t have any billing.

Finding a colleague is similar to establishing a relationship with God.

You have to understand that He (or She) has a will.

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Better Half

Better half: (n) a person’s wife, husband, or partner.

Dictionary B

I am willing to giggle at silly things until they become dangerously stupid or prejudiced.

I have gone to a comedy club and heard a black comedian joke about his heritage and community and laughed along with him, realizing that if the jokes were told by someone with a more pale complexion, they would be radically bigoted.

But I have grown weary of the ignorance being promoted in our society by the little quips thrown out by men and women, seemingly attempting to praise the other, while obviously lamenting a hidden dilemma.

Things like:

  • “Women are smarter than men.”
  • Or “I do what she says.”
  • Or “I’ll have to check with my wife.”
  • Or the notorious aside: “This is my better half.”

Actually, men and women are so ill-suited in their naturally confused culture of gender bias, that they should be quarantined from one another.

Because the true better half of both men and women is the soul.

The heart and the mind are in great conflict: the heart feels, the brain pumps out training.

When that happens, you have the climate for war.

It is in the soul that we find the arbiter.

It is the soul that says, “We have more in common than difference.”

The soul tells us, “Nothing can separate us from the love of God.”

The soul gently nudges us to realize that “in the Kingdom of God, there is neither male nor female.”

My wife is not my better half.

But we have a chance of getting along with each other when we allow our souls to enlighten us … and alleviate the half-witted skirmish between our hearts and our brains.

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Annotate

dictionary with letter A

Annotate: (v) to add notes of explanation to a text or diagram

It is my contention that education is knowledge followed by experience. It can even be experience that gradually garners knowledge.

But the idea that the more information imparted to us, with a variety of opinions, insights, notes, complete with bibliography, will make us smarter, is a bit erroneous.

I’m not so sure we learn until we take something that we kind of basically understand–and then try it ourselves.

Does anyone really become an engineer when they graduate from college, or does that actually occur some Thursday morning three years later, while working on the job?

I think this is particularly annoying in the fields of business and religion. So many books, commentaries, opinions and guides for the novice are penned in these categories, with the aspiration that an insight from someone other than ourselves will give us an edge.

Of course, we need to know what we’re talking about, and have a basic understanding of what we’re doing. But candidly, it is in the handling of circumstance and difficulty that we discover the true wisdom of each and every endeavor.

I grow weary of a culture that creates a learning class, which receives more finance than a working class that actually pulls the load. And not only finance–but status.

Case in point:

  • I studied music. It didn’t make me a musician. Somewhere in my third set, playing keyboard in a dive, discovering a new bridge chord, I gained the confidence to have the music in me.
  • I studied the Bible. It didn’t make me a Christian. It was a series of encounters, where I chose to think for myself and selected to bless instead of curse, when the mind of Christ actually inhabited my cranium.
  • I even studied sex in an attempt to become a better lover, but it was on the 121st attempt to please my partner through sensitivity that I actually had the words “Don Juan” whispered in my ear.

Notes are good. Testimonies are interesting.

But none of us are saved by someone else’s experience. The salvation of our lives … is the word of our own testimony.

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Allude

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Allude: (v) suggest or call attention to; to hint at

I don’t think there are a whole lot of things that frustrate and aggravate me to the point that I become a cantankerous old fool. Maybe I’m too prideful, but I think I’ve overcome getting upset over simple inconveniences.

But I will tell you–I absolutely hate it when people try to hint or allude to what they want instead of coming right out and asking for it.

Matter of fact, one of my sons, in his early years, had the history of doing this practice so much that whenever we get together we joke about it. When he was in high school, if he came in the room and I was eating ice cream, he would start by questioning me about the flavor or comment on how “lovely it appeared in the bowl.”

Obviously, he wanted some. But because it pissed me off that he was alluding to asking for ice cream, I played stupid and pretended I didn’t understand–which made him allude even more.

Having counseled many married couples over the years, I will tell you that the most common reason for the demise of a relationship is when people begin to believe that they have asked for something, but never really did. Just hinted at it, and assumed their partner picked up on the points.

  • There’s something powerful about the spiritual notion of “ask and ye shall receive.”
  • How about this one? “You don’t have it because you haven’t asked for it.”
  • Or a third: “Enter boldly and make your requests known.”

I don’t know whether we’re afraid of hearing a no, or if we just think we come across humble when we skirt the issue, trying to make it someone else’s idea to be generous.

But in the long run, human beings admire clean much more than they do the little escapades we attempt in order to avoid the simple process of making a request.

If you’re ever around me, don’t allude. It turns me into my mother and father … who could occasionally be of the grumpy sort.

 

Afresh

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Afresh: (adv.) in a new or different way: e.g. she left her job to start afresh.

Nobody walks out of the shower and says, “That should take care of that once and for all.”

Much as we are relieved to have our armpits “afresh” and all our other crevices carefully cleaned, we are fully cognizant that the same fastidious care needs to be done again very soon.

Why? Because we get dirty.

Why is it that we understand this when it comes to bodily hygiene, but we don’t recognize the same truth in regard to the other portions of our lives?

Why do we think that politics, relationships, sexuality, intelligence, religion, talent and manners don’t require the same “showering” and “afreshing?”

Why are some things viewed as traditional and therefore etched in stone, and our bathroom time is seen as a temporary solution to a permanent problem?

There is nothing in my life that I am not constantly trying to start afresh.

  • If I were involved in politics, I would leave for Congress a half hour early, and walk through the Lincoln Memorial every day, to remind myself why in the hell I ran for office in the first place.
  • It doesn’t hurt me at all to pull out wedding pictures and memorabilia of when I was younger, a little crazier, but maybe much more intent on romantic interest with my partner.
  • In the church, if we did more field trips out into the world to help people instead of chewing the fat about our opinions concerning the Bible, might we discover that our faith would be afreshed?

Over and over again, in each situation, coming back to the excitement we experienced in the first place is necessary in order to shower us with the blessings instead of having to complain about the rain.

If we don’t become afresh with newness, we will “age out” everything in our lives, leaving our emotions decrepit instead of well-expressed.

I don’t plan on giving up washing myself.

I also have no intention of ceasing to question my beliefs and actions … to find new and better reasons for pushing forward.

Accompaniment

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accompaniment: (n.) 1. a musical part that supports or partners a solo instrument, voice or group 2. something that is supplementary to or complements something else, typically food.
Every single week of my life I play in a two-part combo, where we have chosen to focus on my partner’s musical abilities so as to allow some laser-beam consideration for my writing. After all, it would be ridiculous to have two people sharing, with one of the pair appearing to be superfluous.
So even though I play a musical instrument on stage and must perform with equal proficiency as my partner, I find myself viewed as “mere accompaniment.” I honestly do not mind this. Matter of fact, I promoted the concept. I think it’s difficult for an audience to view two people equivalent in capability. We are human beings–we like to compare.
So likewise, unless you are willing to become the accompaniment to an endeavor, you will just be part of a great ego struggle over authority and notoriety–which normally ends up with NOBODY being noticed.
It’s a problem in our society. We are constantly creating new titles, new positions and new ways of communicating the importance of the occupations of those around us so that nobody has to be in the “accompaniment” profile.
There just are times that you lead the band and other times that you load in the equipment. Any band will tell you–they are only as good as their roadies, and any roadie will tell you that he or she does not have a job without the band.
Any singer would be painfully boring without musical accompaniment and any musician would be stuck trying to sell an instrumental CD without lyrics and a vocalist.
Sometimes you have to realize the value of accompaniment. Even in heaven this discussion must go on:  which is the greatest–the Father, Son or the Holy Ghost?
The thing about that particular dilemma, though, is that a long time ago the three of them decided … they are one.