Crescent

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Crescent: (adj) a shape resembling a segment of a ring tapering to points at the ends.

We may have just discovered one of the great ways to distinguish how people think.

Take a moment.

Relax.

Free your mind of all unnecessary information, including trying to recall the passwords to your Internet programs.

Now listen to this word and tell me what you think of immediately:

Crescent

If you are an extremely intellectual, political, religious or topical person, you thought of the crescent moon, in reference to the Muslim faith and problems in the Middle East.

If you’re like me, you probably thought of crescent rolls with lots of butter at Thanksgiving.

 


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Comrade

Comrade: (n) a companion who shares one’s activities

In the English language, many words get tangled up with each other and are perceived to be synonyms when they actually are not at all–and funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
when distinction is made, their purpose is more powerful.

May I show you what I mean?

Here are five words that are sheltered under the larger house of “friend”:

  • Teammate
  • Acquaintance
  • Fellow-traveler
  • Family
  • Comrade

In concluding this essay, I will give you definitions for each word so you can distinguish one from the other:

Teammate: someone who is on a team with you, who is focusing on his or her part in the game and demanding that you do the same.

Acquaintance: an individual who exchanges smiles and greetings with you in a casual, pleasant way, because no conflict has challenged the depth of the affection.

Fellow-traveler: the human beings we meet every day who, like us, deserve a seat on the bus and should never be told to go to the rear.

Family: folks you share genetics with, Thanksgiving with, embarrassments with and who also, unfortunately, may be prejudiced one way or another because they know you too well.

Comrade: Of all the patrons lined up at the bar in all the beer joints of the world, this is the person who has decided he or she wants to stand next to you and will fight for the privilege of that proximity.

 

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Cellar

Cellar: (n) a room below ground level in a house

I could probably write a large volume of underground stories about cellars. Many things come to my mind.

One particular fascinating and disgusting example happened the Thanksgiving of my senior year in high school.

I had a girlfriend. That in itself was momentous. We had begun our highschool affair and had progressed beyond light petting to flirting with
some heavy petting, moving quickly towards petting at will.

So I picked her up on Thanksgiving evening and brought her over to my home. We stood around for a few minutes, talking with parents, though my mind was on bringing her down to the cellar, where we could make out on a couch normally reserved for the dog. (I wasn’t terribly concerned about comfort nor fragrance–really just availability.)

We had agreed not to have sex in the same fashion that teenagers promise their parents that they won’t ride the roller coaster at Disney World.

Trying to stay loyal to our promise of no intercourse, for which we would have no recourse, we just kind of laid there on the couch, rubbing up against each other ferociously. (I realize that such movement has a street name, but it sounds so coarse and really doesn’t capture the full energy and excitement of the event.)

Suddenly, in the midst of a back–or perhaps it was a forth–she pushed me away, leaped to her feet, jumped on her hands and knees and threw up all over the cellar floor.

I was surprised.

Apparently, the gyrations had disagreed with the turkey and dressing or angered some cranberry sauce.

But I learned something about myself. First, I would never be able to keep my promise to not have sex. But secondly, I found out that I cared very deeply for this young friend, because I got down on my hands and knees and cleaned up her throw-up.

I didn’t enjoy it. It felt sacrificial. But I did it.

She was embarrassed, impressed and touched. I was relieved it was in the cellar instead of the dining room.

I don’t think anybody ever knew about the event that night, when my girlfriend threw up…because apparently she was sick of me.

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Autumn

Autumn: (n) the third season of the year

I hear people say it all the time: “I love the four seasons.”dictionary with letter A

I assume they’re referring to spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Every time I overhear the words, I ask myself, do you agree with that? And I realize I don’t.

I actually like two seasons. Unfortunately, there is no climate in the world that allows for the exclusive pair I prefer.

I like summer and autumn.

Spring has too much rain, buzzing bees and sneezes.

Winter…well, it’s cold.

But summer is warm and autumn gives me the tremendous sensation of flashing back to boyhood.

Magnificent things happen in the autumn when you’re a kid.

  • You go back to school.

At first you hate it, but then you realize that your friends are there and they make great jail mates.

  • Football.

Yes, autumn is the best season for football. Growing up in Ohio, there was just enough chill in the air that you had to wear a sweater or a hoodie, and could almost see your breath in the air.

  • Halloween.

Even if you didn’t dress up in a costume, the holiday afforded donuts and candy and all the things forbidden for rest of the year, but for some reason were sugar- and calorie-free on All Hallow’s Eve.

  • And of course, autumn showcases the beautiful gathering for Thanksgiving.

To me, Thanksgiving is the definition of family–even more than Christmas, when we’re busy buying and receiving presents. It’s a time when we actually have to sit together, over-consume food and converse. Although dangerous, it is a blessing.

I was kind of saddened when autumn became fall.

It must have been a similar reaction that God felt when love was only defined as sex.

There’s nothing “fall”en about autumn.

It is a beautiful season which confirms that the things that bloom must eventually die … to make room for a new possibility.

 

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August

August (n): the eighth month of the year, in the northern hemisphere usually considered the last month of summer.

dictionary with letter A

It would be a toss-up between August and January.

These are the two months that are desperately in need of a good public relations agent, January being the let-down month after Christmas and the New Year, when the weather is miserable and people begin to get their credit card bills from Nativity celebrations.

But I still would have to say that August is the odd month out.

  • It foretells of the winding down of summer.
  • It’s when all swimsuits and inner tubes are discounted at your local Wal-Mart.
  • It’s also proclaimed to be the hottest month of the year, so therefore utility bills go up, fostering cranky consumers.
  • It also dangles on the precipice of the fall, which is full of the promise of football, whereas the month of August only offers a few measly exhibition games.

August is supposed to be august with regality but ends up producing the whining of young kids, complaining about the forthcoming of another school year, as they already begin to pine for better months with better holidays, like Halloween and Thanksgiving.

I don’t know whether you could promote August.

I have a dear friend who was born in August, so that makes it a little more pleasant.

But other than that, it’s kind of a let-down after July 4th, waiting for Saturday Game Day … for college football.

 

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