Monthly Archives: December 2019

Cum Laude

Cum laude: (adv) with honor

The pressure to be pressured.

It is prevalent among human beings.

We are little satisfied with satisfaction.

We seem to be possessed with the need to be superior.

It apparently does not help that we are heads and beaks above the animal kingdom in intelligence. No, there is a gnawing desire to be dominant at everything—to be acknowledged as the winner.

So in the educational system they came up with cum laude. This means you graduated just a little higher than the average, and there are no noticeable mars on your record.

At the moment of graduation, every cum laude would like to be at least a summa cum laude. The problem with being summa is that it’s not magna.

No one tries to be summa cum laude—second place.

No one has it as a goal.

They’re shooting for magna cum laude and fall short.

But they’re just a “nose-in-the-air” better—so they require a category to distinguish them from being a mere cum laude.

When the work life begins and the cum laude, summa cum laude and magna cum laude arrive at the company, park their cars and walk in at 9:01 A. M., the grades or the courses that decided the varying degrees of recognition vanish. Now they have to live off their common sense and their kindness.

Yet the human race thinks it really is—a race, that is.

We want someone, somewhere to know in some way that we were a magna instead of a summa, or at least became a cum—not just ending up a “laude-mouth.”

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Culture

Culture: (n) a particular form or stage of civilization

What if I don’t like your color?

I can’t really say that—it makes me look like a bigot. I can’t let you know that I’ve been raised so sheltered that the hue of your skin gives me the creeps. I associate your color with matters that are not desirable.

All I really want is for you to stay away from me.

I have noticed that insulting you doesn’t cause you to disperse. I can talk behind your back and make you feel uncomfortable, but there’s always a chance you will defiantly remain.

I can insist that you’re inferior, but then every once in a while, you do things to disprove my contention.

What if I just don’t want to change my opinion? If I’m open-minded, my brain might slip out of its casing and wiggle away.

What can I do to make sure you stay away from me, but at the same time not incur your wrath or revenge?

What will cause us to remain separate without making it seem like it’s social segregation?

I do not want to be condemned by the self-righteous souls who think they’re superior because they learned how to tolerate you.

I don’t hate you—I just don’t want you. Shouldn’t I be allowed to get what I want? I mean, America being free and all.

So me and my friends got together and came up with this great idea.

We’re going to pretend that you are different by establishing how unique you are—how outstanding your customs and the climate in your community.

We will admire your cooking without ever partaking.

We will compliment your music without downloading a single song.

We will ooh and ahh over your costuming as if it’s coming from a faraway land, humiliating our beige and brown.

We will explain that you have a way of doing things that’s simply marvelous—as we have a way of doing things that is equally proficient.

We won’t talk about things like racial prejudice or fear of mixing.

We’ll call it culture.

It sounds so…well, cultured.

In doing so, we establish that you have found your way of doing things and we have found our way of doing things and there is no reason for the two paths to cross or for us to talk you out of your preferences and abandon ours.

We have invented a new racism.

It’s friendly, seems educated and is flexible.

You have a culture.

We have a culture.

Now, if you’ll be so kind, take yours over there and we’ll keep ours right here.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cultural Diversity

Cultural Diversity: (n) the inclusion of diverse people in a group or organization

I was very surprised when I first discovered the varieties of chickens that are available. Matter of fact, it was during a slide show where a renowned farmer and breeder was explaining that “this group of birds over here was like this,” and “this group of birds over there had the following attributes…”

But as each slide passed in front of my eyes, all I could see were chickens.

I understand that’s because I am not an expert on the subject. Someone who studied it for years can look closely and find all sorts of indications that one conglomeration of chickens has a certain temperament, and another grouping is prone to a completely different behavior—not to mention that each one has unique desires for how they wish their parched corn to be seasoned.

I felt very stupid.

I was told that in some cases, an intermingling of these chickens will produce the most profitable and successful flocking.

But the professional also explained that focusing on one particular breed does allow for purity and predictability.

At the end of the lecture my head was spinning as I continued to peer at each slide in the show, forcing myself to notice miniscule differences.

The aberrations were quite important to this professional birdwatcher, but for the life of me, I could not distinguish one culture of “cluckers” from another. There were some unique colors and maybe a slight difference in beaks.

But it was all basically the same.

At the end of the evening, our guest speaker brought out cooked pieces of chicken from each one of the tribes of feathered friends. He explained the individuality we would experience while sampling each culture.

At the end of the demonstration I was very embarrassed.

When he asked me what I learned from the evening, I sheepishly looked at him and said, “It all tastes like chicken.”

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cultivate

Cultivate: (v) to promote or improve growth by labor and attention.

It is unfortunate that most religious individuals are so busy toeing the line—seeking God, criticizing sin and thinking of heaven—that they miss out on much of the beautiful poetry and insight contained in the Bible.

The Bible is like every other book I’ve read: there are parts I like, characters I enjoy, story lines I follow and truths I garner.

Within the Good Book, there is the parable of the farmer who plants seed in the ground. Then he sleeps—but he rises night and day to discover that the seeds have grown, but he does not really know how.

In the midst of that parable, this line appears:

“The Earth produces by itself.”

It’s so true.

We, as humans, actually rebel against the obvious, which steers us toward being kind and generous.

We have to be bratty to not see that the Earth itself teaches us to recognize one another in fairness and justice.

And we have to be total ignoramuses to resist the inclination to love rather than kill and destroy.

Our job is to plant seed.

After this, the Earth itself will show us how these efforts need to be cultivated:

  • What needs to be done to become an entrepreneur
  • What is required to be an excellent parent.
  • And the next steps needed to cultivate any venture and take it to a new level of growth.

Sometimes in America we forget to cultivate the way the Earth tells us. Then the weeds start showing up, and we begin believing that the weeds are in control.

Too bad. It’s a simple little system.

Plant your seeds.

Rise up and be astounded over the growth.

Then let the Earth itself tell you what to do next.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cult

Cult: (n) a group or sect bound together by one leader and/or ideals

Because I am not a person to hide my feelings and have been known to speak out against “Mom and apple pie,” some souls have become so angry at me that they insisted I was trying to start a cult.

It is perhaps the greatest insult we can give to another person:

“You are so focused, so welcoming to other people, and they like you so much that you must be a cult leader.”

I’ve never taken offense to this—mainly because I know I’m not.

How do I know?

  1. I’ve never gotten rich off anyone.
  2. Nobody has ever had to work to supply me with grits and gravy.
  3. I’ve never tried to limit the efforts and quality of others to make myself look superior.
  4. I closed my dungeon of torture decades ago.
  5. I’m not certain enough about what I believe to demand that other toe the line to it.
  6. If I had a cult, where are all the adoring women?
  7. In my life, people come and go. I’ve never held anybody at gunpoint to stay with me.

We should be careful what we say.

Because there are cults out there, and some of them are well-respected political parties and religious denominations.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Culpable

Culpable: (adj) deserving blame or censure; blameworthy.

I was born in a hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

Honestly, the single incident didn’t do a whole lot for me except provide me life.

I was born again in a little church and got baptized.

It felt good for a while, but then I discovered that I had to keep going and scrounge out some purpose.

When I was eighteen years of age, I wrote my first musical number.

It felt mighty good to be creative. It was rewarding on that first composition and continues to be so. But it’s not the highlight of my life.

I saw sons born into my household and sons who came through my front door.

They were all amazing, but they didn’t provide the backbone and meaning for my journey.

I really became a human being the day I allowed myself to be culpable for my actions and I was not afraid to admit the wrongs I engineered.

Before that day, I avoided confrontations—even lied, cheated and rewrote history to prove I was not at fault.

This dodging of responsibility occasionally made me the “Bad Dad,” a mediocre workman, an insufficient artist, an unpredictable lover and a horrible Christian.

My life began when I was prepared to admit where I screwed up.

Any human who is not willing to be culpable for his or her own actions is not only obnoxious but dangerous to the whole tribe.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Culottes

Culottes: (n) women’s trousers, usually knee-length or calf-length, cut full to resemble a skirt.

I have seen enough things come and go, enough rules altered–opinions ransacked by reality—that I can no longer abide just accepting a set of regulations without asking why.

In my lifetime, I was informed that long hair was effeminate.

I was told that divorce was forbidden.

Masturbation was considered to be a sin.

Dating between the races was anti-Christ.

And one summer, Camp Jesus Something-Or-Other refused to allow the girls to wear culottes.

It was absolutely ridiculous.

None of the boys objected to the restriction, because girls in skirts would be running, sitting oddly and the fellows would get a great vision of their panties, which would last until the next time they were alone in their sleeping bags.

Everybody—and I mean, everybody—knew the rule was bullshit.

Even when the counselors were asked why the stipulation was in place, they parroted off some answer given to them by the founders of the camp (which they didn’t believe).

I comprehend the process. For instance, for ten years we had to whisper that we “passed gas” instead of bluntly saying we farted.

You could talk about dating and love, but you weren’t allowed to mention sex. That is, until you suddenly were permitted.

Can we shorten this agonizing delay?

Matter of fact, let us decide that if there isn’t a legitimate health, well-being or realistic moral reason for a guideline to exist, we will call it meaningless and request that it be reviewed.

Once and for all, can we come to a conclusion that sanctifying our race by trying to corral human emotions is fruitless?

Culottes look good on girls. They make girls more comfortable. And the only time a girl wears pants and looks like a man is if she decides she wants to go for the whole butch persona.

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Culminate

Culminate: (v) to end or arrive at a final stage

Many folks do not get to see how their actions culminate, because they get caught up in the muddle of the middle or the slump of the start.

Is it possible that we’re so afraid of losing that we don’t persevere?

Or do we quit because we get more excited with the energy of starting up?

Do we fail to get started because talking a good game is exhilarating, but responding to the alarm clock is quite difficult?

Yet if you were able to pinpoint one of the major problem areas in society—government, entertainment, education, business or religion…

You would have to say that nothing ever seems to cross the finish line.

Fascinating to me is that everything that does not culminate by coming to a righteous conclusion instead culminates with an excuse. And of course, once we learn to make excuses, we develop a need to embellish. (And embellishing is just another way of setting out to lie.)

So absent fruit born from the seed of our notion, we must quickly provide a story to explain the source for the failure or exaggerate any success.

How courageous do you have to be to line up all your ducks, and without fear, let them go?

What is the source of the anxiety that prevents us from such an action?

Maybe it’s because we believe nothing is ever what it’s “quacked up to be.”

 

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cull

Cull: (v) to choose, select, pick

Unfortunately, I find myself refraining from using certain words because if I do, people think I’ve mispronounced some other word. For instance, I’ve used the word “cull,” and someone asked me if I meant to say “call.”

That said (and since we have the benefit of Mr. Webster legitimizing my pronunciation today) I realize that my life is all about learning how to cull the best from what is sent my way.

It doesn’t matter what it is.

The best of the American experience, politically speaking, is “all men are created equal.” It’s what keeps this country from looking like a dirty truck stop and instead, fueling the nation.

When I was younger, I culled the best of tennis for exercise, trying to quell (another one of those words) my competitive spirit.

I cull the best of religion, which is simply “love your neighbor as yourself.”

I cull the pinnacle for business: “the customer is always right.”

So what culls the brighter spots of fatherhood? Knowing that your children are safe, independent, solvent and none of them are on the “no fly list.”

I cull the best of being a man simply by becoming a human.

I cull the best of intelligence by learning enough to be helpful.

I cull the best of cooking by making tasty food quickly.

I cull the best of our time. Unfortunately, it seems that we are two nations. It is my responsibility to cull what unites us.

What do I cull and what do I discard?

Without this I find myself accumulating instead of actually progressing.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Cul-de-sac

Cul-de-sac: a street or lane closed at one end.

Because the traffic does not flow through, all the neighbors at the end of a cul-de-sac end up being fully aware of the life and times of the people around them, simply because they know—or certainly believe—that there’s little beyond them.

It seems to me to be a very dangerous thing—to try to turn our country into a cul-de-sac.

Is America a cul-de-sac, where we know our neighbors, we know their cars, we know their pets—so anyone who happens to turn down in our direction is either lost or an intruder?

How selfish can you be with the idea of freedom?

Every group of people—every nation or tribe that has contended they had superiority over the other inhabitants of Earth usually ended up vicious, arrogant and destroyed.

Do we really want to exist in a time when nostalgia rules our thoughts?

Where fear of the enemy makes more of them in our minds than there actually are?

Do we want to sit at the end of our American cul-de-sac, conversing on our porches, glaring at the travelers who happen to have turned down the road into our space, looking for freedom?

There’s something really bizarre about a cul-de-sac.

I’ve only lived on one, and I didn’t stay long enough to be part of the “chosen four”—those houses near the end that cluster and become intolerant about accepting any other.

Because if you believe you have a special thing that sets you apart, other groups may want to come and steal it from you and will become very angry when they realize that you never had anything worth killing for.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C