Court

Court: (n) a tribunal presided over by a judge

I’ve only been in a courtroom twice. In both cases, I was innocent. In both cases, I walked in innocent and walked out innocent.

But not really.

Contrary to popular opinion from television shows, once you are summoned to the high court, the low court—or even a medium court, you will always be considered suspect.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Matter of fact, I have never spoken on the subject before. Why? Because I would not want to deal with what you would think.

Even though I committed no crime, discussing being accused of misbehavior only makes people believe that I found a slick way to weasel out of it—or there just wasn’t enough evidence to produce the desired verdict.

Just as we have faith in our doctors, we also have an unrighteous allegiance to the legal profession—and also the police force.

I do not think it’s good to be critical of those who serve us, but I think it is foolish to contend that their decisions are free of error, and even might occasionally be marked by folly.

Once you find yourself in a court, you must never refer to it again, and you must be fully aware that if anyone finds out about it, they will assume that “where there’s smoke there must be fire.”

It’s very interesting to me that a burning fire produces less smoke than a fire that has been extinguished. That seems to escape us when we’re trying to evaluate, judge and even condemn other people.

So the best thing to do is stay out of court unless you make your living as a lawyer, stenographer, judge or baliff. They are the only ones who seem to escape being tainted by the spirit of the room.

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Course

Course: (n) the path over which something moves

I have an internal comedy show going on inside my soul concerning the length of time that each and every fad will last—or shall I say, how quickly that particular “popularism” will disappear.

It wasn’t so long ago that people were bopping around, sticking their noses in your face and posing this question: What is your five-year funny wisdom on words that begin with a C
goal plan?

The first time I heard this, I realized it was irrelevant, and certainly destined to end up in the cultural cemetery, buried near “far out” and “hula hoop.”

But I have to admit, I was surprised at how long it did persist—and you will occasionally hear people do a variation on the theme: Where do you see yourself in five years?

But I will tell you—I think the reason these ridiculous inquiries gain popularity is that we human beings are weakened by our pernicious insistence that we must follow a course of action.

It seems righteous. It sniffs of organization.

It’s the kind of thing that investors like to hear from an entrepreneur.

  • “What are you going to do first?”
  • “What’s next?”
  • “What would be your third effort?”

I suppose if science, Mother Nature, luck and chaos could be included in our planning meeting for our course of action, and each of them voted to participate and promote the campaign, it might have some possibility.

But since science is only concerned about scientific conclusions and not your whim; Mother Nature has nurtured billions of souls before you showed up with your graphs and plans; luck—well, she remains as ambiguous as the veracity of her identity; and chaos is like a toddler locked up in a room filled with expensive glass vases, you may develop a course but there’s no guarantee that anybody will want to take it.

Time and chance happen to everyone, and sometimes you can be at the right place at the right time, but it still won’t turn out…right.

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Courier

Courier: (n) a messenger who transports packages and documents

After many years of receiving mail, packages and having messages transferred all over the world, I can probably count on two hands the number of times that something went afoul.

Stop for a second and think about that.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Especially in this age of free shipping and orders being delivered to your door, seemingly night and day, how do these companies maintain such a meticulous record of efficiency?

I know it’s popular to attack institutions, religion, politics, business and entertainment, but every once in a while we should stop and consider the courtesy and care given by the courier.

For we certainly believe with all our hearts that if we mail a letter, ship a package or send something overnight, it is going to arrive safe and sound—often within the tiny window of our desire.

There is nothing else I know of that is so constant.

  • The grocery store runs out of sales items.
  • Politicians lie.
  • Religion can leave your soul dry and unfulfilled.
  • Entertainment is hit and miss.
  • And businesses set out to write a book and often get no further than Chapter Eleven.

But the courier stands, perhaps singularly, as the symbol of efficient, merciful, repetitious and tender loving care.

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Courage

Courage: (n) a quality enabling one to face danger without fear

This simple traveler will tell you there are only three things that produce courage:

  1. Very few things are actually dangerous

Some are scary; many are intimidating. But danger is much rarer than you think.

  1. Since danger is not prevalent, the fear of dire consequences does not have to strangle us from prudently attempting new things which will open up our horizons.
  2. It only takes two seconds of courage to invite others to join in the quest.

Some people are just waiting to be led in the direction of heroism.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C


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Coupon

Coupon: (n) a discount

There is a certain madness I maintain so as not to become superior to those around me.

Without it—or minus the awareness of it—I might begin to believe that my form of insanity is preferred to the mental mayhem offered daily by others. I realize that many of the things I think, believe or prefer can be quite distasteful to my fellow-travelers.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Yet truthfully, realizing this does not prevent me from believing that I have captured some greater sense of balance than those around me.

I offer this preface because I do not want you to believe for one second that what I am about to share is factual, but rather, the experience of my heart.

I hate coupons.

Do not try to explain to me how beneficial they can be or how much money you can save by using them.

On occasion, I find myself at a grocery store, in line behind some man or woman who clips coupons so as to save on groceries. They rarely bring one or two—it is a stack.

So once all the prices have been tallied, the cashier has to patiently stand there, and one by one register the coupons on the machine, to deduct them from the subtotal.

And it’s not just being robbed of my personal time that brings aggravation—it is also the look of pride cast in my direction by the “couponer” which curdles my milk of human-kindness. He or she is convinced that they have found the secret to life, and they pity me, who stands there coupon-less, failing to understand the alpha and omega of shopping.

I can’t argue with their results.

I have observed people who have saved over a hundred dollars by using those little boogers.

But I always ask myself, how many hours are spent poring over circulars and newspapers in order to acquire the discount—and have they factored this in as a labor cost?

I think not.

Even though the cashier always asks me if I have coupons, I never feel intimidated, or any sense of necessity to explain why I remain a hold-out from the hold-up.

I will shop.

I will look for deals.

I will even consider something on sale that I’ve never tried before simply because it is cheap.

But when I was six years old, I stopped using scissors to cut out little pieces of paper.


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Couple

Couple: (n) two persons considered as joined together

How do you become a couple?

Can you be a couple without coupling?

Because once people think you are coupling, they will assume you’ve coupled. Is it merely a sexual term?funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Can’t be.

The manager walks in and says, “I need a couple of people to help me unload this truck.” Normally, the two that end up doing the job don’t necessarily have goo-goo eyes for each other.

It’s one of those ambiguous words Americans use that sometimes means nothing, and other times, connotes with a wink that something might be going on.

“I think they might be a couple,” she said with a smirk.

Yet in a very few months, we will end up with a couple of people running for President—and neither one of them would ever be caught smooching the other.

So couples can be sexy, couples can be utilitarian, and couples can be bitter enemies.

For instance, a couple of dictators bombed each other until their countries turned into dust.

Matter of fact, some of you might have thought, as you read this essay, that I should have sat down and waited for a couple of ideas.


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Coup de Grace

Coup de grace: (n) death blow

I keep waiting.

With my vexation of waiting comes a curious wondering.

And while I wonder I grow anxious to see sanity have a seat at the table with the family of man. (I have no problem with it being the family of woman, too. Shall we say humankind?)

But escaping that piece of political correctness, let me say I’m a bit baffled as to what coup de grace must occur to startle us from the mediocrity of hatefulness, and the deteriorating status of our conscience.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Not only has kindness become suspect in the ongoing criminal activity of our social disruption, but we’re beginning to believe that anything or anyone who expresses compassion and tenderness is weak. In doing so, we make it seem that to express the weakness of gentleness, one has to be very strong-willed to endure the sarcasm.

I don’t know what’s wrong with pausing before condemning.

I’m confused why we consider it to be ignorant to go on a quest for a deeper understanding of faith.

And I’m not so sure that any deal can be made if there is a human toll extracted to ratify the terms.

Where is the coup de grace?

When will we finally pull up just short of a death blow which tries to remove the oxygen from the breath of our generosity?

I don’t want to go any further backwards. I don’t want to see how bad things could become.

I don’t know if it’s possible for us to come up short of Armageddon, pull away just in time, breathe a sigh of relief…and go get a beer.


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Coup

Coup: (n) a highly successful, unexpected stroke, act, or move; a clever action or accomplishment.

Pleasant.

Pleasant is a very pleasant word.

Pleasant is what happens when our minds are set on the possibility that our efforts, when placed in the right moment and position, can effect a positive change.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Pleasant becomes unpleasant when those who are able to arrive with the relief of wisdom, common sense, humor and gentleness have given up or just slept in.

So because pleasant does not get its day, we begin to believe that life has a sallow sameness which makes our faces pucker in anticipation of bleakness.

The idea of a coup rarely occurs to the mind of the defeated.

I, as a human being, have two functions:

  1. Find abundant life.
  2. As I enjoy it, break off a piece, crumble it in my hands and sprinkle it on the folks I meet.

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County Fair

County fair: (n) a small-time exhibition

There is a danger in trying to make everything look big.

If you succeed, the best comment you get is, “Well, that’s almost as good as the big one…”

If you fail, any number of snickers, snorts and boos may trickle in your direction because you had the audacity to contend that you could compete with the big boys and girls.

That’s why I like county fairs. They know they’re not state fairs.

They know they’re not Great America, Six Flags, or dear God, no way to even resemble Disney World.

They bring the essence of the local and showcase it the best they can. They make no apologies for having competitions for the top hog instead of holding a huge rodeo with country music stars.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

The booths are simple and often sponsored by the Women’s Auxiliary of the First Community Church, who have taken a buffet table, covered it in bunting and placed their finest brownies, fig squares and homemade oven mitts.

The entertainment willingly admits that it’s not professional and plays the instruments through a P.A. system borrowed from a guy in a nearby town who used to be a roadie long ago, for the Monkees.

The county fair is not so large that you can’t get around it in one night, and you can still get all the confections, candies and processed meats that are proudly displayed in the huge thoroughfares.

But I suppose the greatest thing about a county fair is that you’ll see a lot of people you know, some people that are relatives of people you know (which you acknowledge by their resemblance) and a few people you’re introduced to who have moved to the community and this is their very first county fair.

Come one, come all. It isn’t great…it’s just us.


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County

County: (n) a part of a state

Sometimes I’m baffled, and even amused, by the things I remember.

For some reason my brain favors certain topics or bits and pieces of trifle that float by, to retain, as if memorizing a secret code during wartime.

For instance, the other day, I realized I could sing my entire high school Alma Mater. So you will know that I’m not some sort of sentimental weirdo, I had funny wisdom on words that begin with a Cnot thought about that song since I was sitting in the bleachers after the last football game we lost.

But there it was—word-for-word, tone-for-tone, syllable-for-syllable, and would you believe?—concluding with a burst of emotion.

It was bizarre.

I also can remember my telephone number from when I was a young boy (but have to look on my cell phone to recite my present one.)

My social security number is embroiled in my brain as if terrified to leave, under fear of governmental punishment.

And for some reason unknown to me, I remember that I grew up in Delaware County.

I don’t know why I remember that.

Maybe it’s because the county seat of Delaware County was a town called Delaware. (Now, isn’t that so original?)

And I probably only traveled to Delaware a half-a-dozen times in my youthful life, but I can tell you the names of the two high schools that served the community.

It is so wacky.

I now need a woman with a British accent to give me directions on where to go, while simultaneously my brain protects the trivial that has no pursuit.


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