Monthly Archives: June 2015

Authentic

Authentic: (adj) of undisputed origin; genuine.dictionary with letter A

I remember it like yesterday because when it happened, the combination of surprise, disappointment and confusion nearly overwhelmed me.

I met an older fellow who happened to be in my line of work and I immediately took a liking to him. I struggled to get his attention so we could become friends and maybe end up doing some projects together. But try as I might, he had absolutely no interest in entwining our efforts.

I was offended.

I was upset.

I thought this guy was cool, and the fact that he didn’t think I was cool just wasn’t cool.

So to avoid going crazy, I decided I would ask him about his indifference towards me.

I had just finished sharing my talents at a meeting and the two of us were sitting over a cup of coffee at a restaurant when I worked up the courage to pose the question.

“Why don’t you like me?”

He looked at me with a perplexed expression, hoping, I assume, to avoid any confrontation. I challenged him and begged him not to be insincere.

So, taking a big swig of coffee for courage, he explained.

“You are dangerous. At least, dangerous to me. You see, I do what I do because I’ve always done it, gotten pretty good at it, and see it as a way to make money without hurting too many people. Honestly, I don’t believe everything I say. And you probably have noticed–I don’t live everything I believe. You, on the other hand, are frightening. You are authentic. You are real. You have a childlike heart when you talk about your faith. It scares me. Actually, it convicts me because it makes me wonder why I don’t want that for myself. So of course I don’t want to work with you–and I never will. You remind me that what I preach can actually be done, and honestly, I just don’t want to work that hard.”

To my surprise, he downed the last bit of coffee in his cup, stood to his feet, shook my hand, and walked out of the restaurant.

I never saw him again.

In that moment, I temporarily wished to be a little less sincere.

I wanted to be friends with this friend.

But the power of being authentic is that it gives you a storyline that you don’t have to memorize because it’s your own.

But it also alienates you from those who just want to tell stories.

 

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Austrian

Austrian: (noun) a citizen of a republic in central Europe

I often laugh out loud at my American sense of intelligence.dictionary with letter A

Here is how I would describe the average American’s assessment of the entire world: it’s like a huge coffee-table book full of colored pictures with one-line captions.

In other words, we have a picture in our minds of what everything in the world consists of, and then only one line of explanation to reinforce the vision.

I am completely confident that Austria is a country filled with normal people, computers, vice and virtue and typical human behavior.

But my personal caption to this Austrian tableau would be: “The Sound of Music” meets “Strauss waltz.”

So I would imagine a country filled with people walking around singing all the time or on their way to a rehearsal with Mozart.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth, but since I’ve only allowed myself a one-line caption for the picture, I’m afraid they’ll just have to live with my assessment.

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Austere

Austere: (adj) severe or strict in manner, attitude, or appearance.

I call it the “Granble Face.”dictionary with letter A

It’s that look blending the countenance of Grandma or Grandpa with the attitude to grumble.

Somewhere along the line, we gave up on the idea of giggling, smirking, laughing and running around looking for ways to be mischievous.

Maybe it’s because it finally registered in our brain that our parents wanted us to be as miserable as they were, and we feel the responsibility to honor our father and mother so that our days might be long and filled with anguish on the Earth.

I don’t know.

But I do know this–the austere facial expression that greets me daily as I look at my peers and fellow-humans leaves me caught between despair and hilarity.

They look so funny trying to be so grownup, and they tend to get so angry with me because I maintain my childish chortle.

  • What is the power of being austere?
  • Why are we supposed to be quiet when we enter a church or a funeral home? Is it really going to bother the dead?
  • Why is it necessary to sit in traffic, roll down your window to save on air conditioning, and sweat and curse at the holdup? Why not just turn up the radio and rock out to Queen?

Austere is the profile that proves we’ve had enough birthdays to be defeated.

It is the universal complexion of those of any color who have reached a certain status, where despondency is a badge of honor.

It is often accompanied by words like mature, holy, focused and adult.

Even though we were told for our spiritual journey it’s best for us to “become as little children,” we would rather develop the “Granble Face” …Grandpa grumbling about the price hike on his medication.

 

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Aussie

Aussie (n. and adj): informal term for Australia or Australian.

It is a phenomenon worth studying.dictionary with letter A

Ever since Crocodile Dundee debuted in America in 1986, the folks of our country have been absolutely enamored by Australians.

  • We’ve eaten shrimp with them down at the “barbie.”
  • We frequently go to the Outback Steakhouse.
  • And we nearly had 40 days of mourning over a young man who got stung and killed by a stingray.

What is our fascination with those we dub Aussies?

May I advance some possibilities?

  1. They have almost an American audacity to proclaim their country a continent. (We don’t even do that.)
  2. They kind of talk British without being sprinkled with fairy dust.
  3. They look like they would wear shorts to work everyday.
  4. Knowing that opera is boring, they made their Sydney Opera House interesting looking.
  5. They have kangaroos. Come on.
  6. Their country has a Wild West feel to it instead of being beleaguered by mini-malls and huge billboards.
  7. Every once in a while they produce a good rock and roll band.
  8. And finally, their winter is in July. (That’s gutsy.)

I think the basic thing that promotes the Aussie appeal is that they have a friendliness instead of a nastiness, even though they appear to be extremely independent.

In our country, if you’re going to be a free-thinker, you normally choose to snarl.

In Australia, you say, “G’day.”

 

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Auspicious

Auspicious (adj): conducive to success; favorable.

“An auspicious occasion.”dictionary with letter A

  1. Dress up
  2. Smell good
  3. Eat an overpriced dinner
  4. Make small talk
  5. Feel important

That would be a breakdown of the auspicious occasions I have participated in during my life.

I scheduled these dates on my calendar and I looked forward to them, because they made me feel that I was successful, part of the gang and moving in the right direction. Yet as I look back on them, they ended up being some of the least important, most boring and useless moments of my life.

I don’t think any of us really grasp what an “auspicious occasion” truly is in relationship to our journey.

This is why we are dumb.

And we become a little less stupid as we begin to realize that the moments which are relegated to insignificance are when we actually define ourselves and our ultimate potential.

  1. A homeless person walks up and asks for help.
  2. My little son wants a book read to him just when my favorite TV show is coming on.
  3. We’re beginning a family vacation and we walk out to a flat tire, and my entire clan looks in my direction to see if I’m going to solve the problem or melt down.
  4. I have a chance to be creative, but it is a brief chance.
  5. I know my wife, my child, my friend or my lover needs to be comforted and I must escape my pride and take the time to put my arms around them

These are the auspicious occasions.

These are the times we either pump in fuel, creating a confidence for our lifestyle, or we drain ourselves of such gusto by self-incrimination.

Here’s a simple thought:

If you have to put a tie on to impress someone, in two weeks it probably won’t matter.

 

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Au revoir

Au revoir: (Fr. exclam.) good-bye until we meet again.

Even though I purposely avoid many of the stumps that come my way from which I could prophesy, today I shall indulge myself by sharing one of my few, but fervent pet peeves.

dictionary with letter A

I hate subtitles.

There are two reasons.

First of all, I think it’s pretentious to have American actors memorize some foreign words, contending that they are pronouncing them correctly.

Secondly, I’ve reached an age when I find myself squinting a bit to try to read the translation placed on the screen, which is often done in an obtuse font, blurry color and flashed so briefly that you’re trying to figure out the predicate from the acquired subject.

I don’t like pretense.

I don’t think you lose anything in a story if your German soldiers speak English.

After all, it’s about the story, right? Not how they pronounce the dialect from the Rhineland.

But I realize I’m in the minority and that the purists out there shake their heads, bemused by my objection.

Still, as far as I’m’ concerned, I would like to say to all those young filmmakers who feel they achieve great authenticity by offering intrusive foreign language into an American film … “Au revoir.”

 

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Aureole

Aureole: (n) a circle of light or brightness surrounding something, especially as depicted in art around the head or body of a person represented as holy.

I will freely admit to you that I have no scientific backing for my conclusions. These findings of mine are solely based upon years and years of observation of dictionary with letter Ahuman behavior.

There are three things that people will not accept from other folks:

  1. Arrogance.

We may even temporarily concede that certain people are “talented enough” that they have the right to be prideful, but we are simultaneously privately hoping they stumble and fall.

  1. Intolerance.

Even though we accept a certain amount of this nasty stuff in ourselves, we will not permit others to express this kind of fussiness and closed-minded approach with the world around them.

  1. Making the same dumb mistakes over and over again.

How many times can you say “I’m sorry” before people start hearing, “I’m pathetic”?

I bring these up to you because the Medieval artists began to place halos and aureoles around the heads of saints and angels–and especially Jesus of Nazareth.

I assume they felt this was an offering of respect for their good deeds or divinity.

But in the process they have taken a God who purposely became human and insisted that He be a human who was perfect–and a God.

It’s like turning to the Almighty and saying, “Your idea about becoming human like us was really stupid. We like people who wear hats that look like lightbulbs.”

I will tell you this–Jesus has no appeal to anybody when he’s proclaimed to be perfect.

  • We hate perfect people,
  • We plot their destruction.
  • We come up with pranks to make them look inept.

Likewise, Jesus does not have market when you insist he was a Jewish prophet for the Jewish people who was intolerant of Gentiles.

And Jesus does not have the ability to reach the world if his religion makes the same dumb mistakes over and over again that every religion has made.

So if you don’t mind, I would rather you remove the aureole from Jesus’ crown and have a more realistic representation.

How about a fly buzzing his head?

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Aural

Aural: (adj) of or relating to the ear or the sense of hearing.

Unashamedly, I will tell you that I enjoy being ornery. Perhaps I should give you a definition for ornery.dictionary with letter A

Ornery is 2 steps short of naughty and about 20 miles from gross.

Ornery is when something silly or sexual may come to your mind, and rather than blurting it out, you look for a clever way to play on the words so as to communicate that you are still viable without appearing to be a dirty old man.

It’s like today’s word. The minute I read it, my mind went to “aural sex.”

I’m sorry–it did.

Yet if I had giggled my way through this essay without preface, you might find me to be naughty or gross instead of just ornery. But since you’ve been kind enough to read what I’ve had to say thus far, may I go ahead and give you my definition for aural sex:

Aural sex is sex that is good enough that you can hear it.

 

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Aura

Aura: (n) the distinctive atmosphere that seems to surround and be generated by a person, thing, or place.

I once had an acquaintance who believed she could perceive “auras” around the people she met.dictionary with letter A

As our friendship grew, I realized that most of these colorations she “divined” were usually determined by whether she liked the person.

So much like humans.

Yet I must tell you, about 6 months ago I became very concerned that the aura around the American people seemed to be dark, dingy and depleted of any of the “red, white and blue” that makes us strong and valuable.

It worried me.

I didn’t want to be “mystical” or strange-minded, but I wanted to say something, do something or be something that would reawaken our gentle side and our willingness to believe in one another.

After all, politics seems to have drug us down to a complete halt and religion is a cantankerous debate among misfits.

A couple of months ago I sat down and wrote a book. You probably haven’t heard about it since neither CNN nor Fox News decided to cover its release.

I entitled the work “Within”–because I deeply believe that what stews around our innards eventually emanates in our actions.

What did I want the book to say? Many things, but three major themes:

  1. We have more in common than difference.
  2. Rather than being complex, we humans are delightfully predictable.
  3. And doing better is actually easier than continuing to falter.

Writing the book was an eye-opening, emotionally fulfilling experience.

I kept it short–matter of fact, the whole book can be read in less than an hour. And even though I don’t have the Madison Avenue publicity machine to make the public aware of this offering, I will continue to share it on as many different avenues as cross my path.

It would be my joy to reach the end of my life and know that I had an effect on the aura of the American people.

Yes. how wonderful to encourage us, building up our spirits again…to flower some color in our cheeks.

 

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Aunt

Aunt: (n) the sister of one’s father or mother or the wife of one’s uncle.

dictionary with letter AThe value of one’s relationship with an aunt is based upon the quality of the memories they have with your mother and father.

I wish I would have known that.

I had some pretty pukey aunts.They would not agree with that, I’m sure, but since they’re dead, I will risk offending their consciousness.

They were picky, they were self-righteous or they were completely disengaged.

I took it personally.

Being a kid, I tried to please them because I heard rumors at school about kids who had great aunts. Matter of fact, the abiding notion was that aunts were nicer than parents, or even grandparents, because they had so little invested in the future of the prodigy.

But my aunts were toads–and I don’t mean good toads. They just kind of sat there and peered at me, waiting for me to be either too loud or unmannerly.

Now that I’m older, I realize that these aunts didn’t have anything against me–they just didn’t like my mom and dad. So they decided to take it out on me.

After all, I was the swill that came from their bog.

I was the offspring of these people who the aunts had found fault with for years, had developed grudges against, and now persisted into the next generation.

I didn’t know this at the time. I thought I was perniciously ugly, fatally stupid or satanically infested.

It’s a good idea, if you happen to be an aunt and you’re pissed off at your sister or brother, to try to work that out with them and not pass the anger onto the kids.

Because in the long run, a good aunt is a treasure.

But a bad aunt would be better off living on the moon.

 

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