Category Archives: B words

Bod

Bod: (n) a body or physique.

Dictionary BMethinks I protest too little.

Yes, all my life I have joked about my appearance to the amusement of audiences, never really feeling diminished by being unable to be part of the chosen few who are considered to have “a good bod.”

Alphabetically, the front my body resembles the letter O, and sideways, a B. (That in itself, you see, is a bit of comedy at my own expense.)

I’ve been told by those who consider themselves to be psychologically astute, that such self deprecation can be harmful and disguises a hidden pain.

But … not really.

If there were no mirrors in the world and I was speculating on my appearance, then perhaps a case could be made that I needed to have greater generosity of spirit toward my own visage. But since I know what I look like and I realize that it falls outside the parameters listed for “leading man” or “stud,” there seems to be a healthy need to be realistic and use what I have to the best of my ability, without feeling that I need to place it in a better frame.

Yes, my picture is somewhat frameless.

But considering that, I’ve been blessed by quite a few women, who decided to look beyond my faults and see my need. Or my benefit.

So methinks I protest just enough.

And to these ladies aforementioned, I am most grateful that they helped me discover all the pleasures and joys on the romantic menu.

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Bobble

Bobble: (n) a mishandling of the ball

Dictionary B

It’s the closest I ever came–at least in baseball.

I hated baseball, and it seemed that baseball returned in kind by disliking me. The harder I tried to hit the ball, the more I grounded out because my chubby legs couldn’t get me to first base.

What’s worse, everybody thought that because I was so big, I should be able to knock every pitch out of the park–thus making my dribbling even more dismaying.

But on this particular day, all the bases aligned in my favor.

First, I got to pitch, which was bizarre–a fellow my size usually ended up either catching or playing left field.

We were about to win the game. We were ahead by one run and there was one batter left. I had already struck out the previous two.

I felt a sudden burst of confidence.

It was such an unusual experience for me on the diamond that my head was woozy with euphoria.

I reared back, I threw the pitch. It was high, but the batter opted to hit it–the ball going straight up in the air in front of home plate.

I eased my way forward, knowing that all I had to do was catch it and we would win. All the stigma on my lack of ability would be swept away by cheering teammates, adoring my performance.

It seemed like the ball hung in the air for an hour–so long that I had time to think. Or dare I say, doubt?

Maybe better explained, freak out.

When it came down, rather than landing in my hands, I tried to catch it with my chest and trap it.

I bobbled it.

It bounced off and dribbled ten feet to my right.

The runner scored, and then, because the first baseman bobbled a throw from the third baseman, another run scored and we lost the game.

No one said anything to me–which was the worst punishment possible.

I guess they assumed that since I wasn’t very good at baseball, bobbling was inevitable.

It isn’t.

All bobbling is caused by over-thinking the catch.

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Bob

Bob: (n) a shortened name for Robert.

We’ve given up on Bob.Dictionary B

In an attempt to include Julius, Keesha, Manuel and Mohammed, we somehow or another felt it was necessary to reject Bob and relegate him to the museum of artifacts.

As much as conservatives suffer under the short-sightedness of failing to see where progress is heading, liberals are often so far-sighted that they stumble over the settled souls of their fellow-countrymen.

It took a lot of Bobs to make America.

They don’t understand everything that is going on–yet they won’t become more tolerant by constantly being told how bigoted they are.

Bob has a heart, which is often encased in a weathered, oaken trunk of tradition. It needs to be opened, tenderly and carefully.

As we try to give freedom and justice to all, we need to remember that this also includes Bob. He may be slower at arriving at necessary conclusions, but he should not be ignored because we find him tedious.

God bless America, with all of its unique names and nationalities.

But also, God bless Bob.

May we travel at a pace where we rest every once in a while … so all the Bobs in our country can catch up. 

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Boat

Boat: (n) a small vessel propelled on water

Dictionary B　My dad liked to hunt and fish.

He was not a “manly man,” but discovered his inner macho with rod, reel and rifle.

My older brothers quickly learned that the best way to curry his favor or spend any time with him at all was to join him on one of these expeditions to seek out game.

I wanted to. He placed a rifle in my hand and set up some targets. I shot it and knocked over a few cans, so he felt confident to take me rabbit hunting.

Do you know how fast rabbits run?

I do.

Every time he set me up with a shot to kill a bunny, I would miserably miss, failing to anticipate the hair-brained escape pattern of the hare.

Fishing was much the same. At first I was a little frightened to put the worm on the hook–and then an additional problem came into the mix. Because I was a fat boy, the little boat my dad was able to afford did not sit well in the water when I sat on the seat. Matter of fact, I came near to sinking us with my “weighty matter.”

The motor didn’t work as well, and my dad wanted to scream at me about my blubber, but restrained himself so as to maintain a few vestiges of fatherhood.

What eventually transpired was that my dad made it a secret when he was going fishing or hunting, and I would never find out until he was long gone and my mother confessed his plans.

So there is a part of me that wishes my dad had been alive when the movie “Jaws” came out.

You remember the line, right?

“We need a bigger boat.”

 

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Boast

Boast: (v) to talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction

Dictionary B

If doing it doesn’t give you an adequate boost of joyful satisfaction, then stop.

If you believe you need recognition, appreciation, applause or even space to perform your due diligence, you are destined to a life of sour despair.

There has to be joy in the doing, or the doing will become the burdensome chore of the malcontent.

I find that I’m only tempted to boast when I’m doing a job that really does not suit my taste and therefore needs to be bolstered by the admiration of others.

For instance, I was a writer long before I was read.

If I didn’t enjoy being a writer, I would have been absolutely miserable and would have made everyone around me fidgety as I complained about the arduous task of putting words on a screen.

I enjoyed it so I continued. If others end up finding purpose or pleasure in my phrasing and placement of notions, it’s just a magnificent manifestation.

If you find a boastful human, you will discover a soul who is not only insecure, but fearful that what they’re doing is a heap of meaningless.

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Boarding School

Boarding school: (n) a school where students reside during the semester.

Dictionary B

I ended up being the father to six sons.

Three boys I had in cooperation with my wife, and three others we took into our family–kind of like godparents.

I am going to write about one of these sons, with full confidence that since I am his old man, that he more than likely will never read this–so he won’t need to feel embarrassed and I can make my point.

Yes, one of my sons was caught smoking marijuana.

He got himself into some trouble, went to court, and it fell our lot to try to separate him from buddies who were quite satisfied to see their collective lives “go up in smoke.”

So we investigated boarding schools.

I will tell you–it is well worth focusing on being a great parent and maybe even locking your children up in the house until they’re eighteen–just so you don’t have to talk to these institutions which have found a way to make money off of the suffering and anguish of people who are suddenly confronted with “wayward seed.”

We even went to visit one of these places.

We toured the campus.

Then we allowed our son to go to their school for a day to acquaint himself with their procedures and prepare to become a unit in their well-proven curriculum.

After he came back from the experience, terrified that he was going to be placed into such a social straitjacket, we had a “coming to Jesus” moment with him and decided not to send him away, but instead, find the patience and prudence to have him repent in his own bedroom,

The comical part of the whole experience was that two weeks later we received a letter from the boarding school telling us that after having met our son and reviewing his situation, they had decided to reject his application.

Weren’t they supposed to exist to help confused kids?

I laughed heartily and aloud.

Like so many organizations in America, they are more than happy to take your money and advertise themselves freely–as long as you don’t expect them to actually deliver what they promise.

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Board Game

Board game: (n) any game played on a board

Dictionary B

If you ever reach a point in your life when you want to terminate a friendship, and do so based upon a mutual agreement of misunderstanding, sit down and play a game of Monopoly with the person with whom you wish to sever relationship.

Monopoly is more than a board game–it is a basic study of the subtlety of human depravity.

First–no one agrees on the rules. If you insist on reading them aloud, you become the common enemy of everyone else playing the game, as they explain–or dare I say, interpret–the instructions using their prism of prejudice.

Secondly–passive, loving and kind people become aggressive, mean, sinister land barons in pursuit of receiving more and more confirmation of their superiority through “funny money.”

Third–additional addendums and amendments, if you will, of the original regulations will be introduced during the game as players negotiate deals, loans or even the transferral of properties without legitimate title and deed.

Fourth–some people just don’t give up.

And of course, Number Five–after all is said and done, there really is no winner, just someone who still has money, surrounded by vanquished losers who are plotting revenge.

The problem with board games is that we usually play them when we’re bored… only to unleash the true depths of our inner demons.

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B Movie

B movie: (n) a low-budget movie

Dictionary B

I have written twenty feature-length screenplays.

Thirteen of them have been made into independent films.

Let me explain something: no one sets out to make a bad movie. No one wants their movie to slip to “Letter B” in the alphabet.

There are four things that determine the fate of a movie.

1. Since it is definitely over-written, as all scripts are, picking and choosing what to cut out is similar to deciding whether you’ll cut off your hand or your foot. Yet if one is infected, the amputation is certainly necessary.

2. Bad actors can turn good sentences into question marks.

3. Editing a movie is similar to using a hatchet to trim your fingernails. In other words, if you try to speed up, there will be some blood loss.

4. The public is picky. If you shoot for a particular emotion or feeling, that reaction may not be presently available in the audiences provided.

So many movies that planned on being A rated ended up sliding from their lofty goals, further confirming–perhaps without our knowledge or permission–whatever will B will B.

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Bluster

Bluster: (n) loud, aggressive, or indignant talk with little effect.

Dictionary B

I believe the goal is to acquire interest.

Whether you’re trying to sell a new car, preach the gospel, gain the attention of the opposite sex or get someone’s vote, the possibility is impaired if you cannot acquire interest.

How do you get people interested?

Amazingly, after everything is boiled down, you’re left with the remainder of the expressions in human life. You end up with fear and love.

They do not get along with each other. Love chases away fear, and fear, likewise, scares the hell out of love.

Therefore, since we are insecure about the notion of creating devotion through emotion, we often resort to the tactic of frightening those around us into submitting to our will.

We bluster.

We find obscure statistics, isolated incidents and horrific anomalies, and advertise them as if they are the norm.

In the process, the car dealer has to convince you that your vehicle is ready to explode. The preacher talks about the heat and humidity in hell, the dating service on the Internet tries to present you as a loser if you’re spending a Saturday night alone, and of course, every candidate wants to discuss “a planet ablaze,” which he or she alone can save.

Although bluster has become acceptable, it is damnable because it pushes fear to the forefront, terrifying our love.

 

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Blush

Blush: (v) to develop a pink tinge in the face from embarrassment or shame.

Dictionary B

Removing one misconception from the stacked-up views of a human being may temporarily topple the tower but will make the rebuilding more sturdy.

We are full of misconceptions.

Matter of fact, we feel compelled to lie to one another so as to remove all sense of embarrassment, shame or inadequacy.

So the singer who is loud and boisterous is never told that he’s off-pitch.

The beauty queen who is painted to excess to gain approval is never informed of how obnoxious she is.

And the politician is never surrounded by those who will truly ask the right questions.

We are afraid of embarrassment.

We are frightened that our weaknesses will surface, so we smother self-awareness under an ocean of flattery.

Sometimes I need to blush.

  • I need to realize I have said something inappropriate.
  • I have fallen short of expectation.
  • I am a bow-tie worn with a jogging suit.

It’s good for me.

It literally puts some color in my cheeks. 

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