Tag Archives: God

Bumpkin

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Bumpkin: (n) a socially awkward person from the countryside

The premise seems to be that if you can convince yourself that other people are ignorant, then you don’t have to deal with them, love them, respect them or even give them space.

After all, since we’ve decided to suck on the juice from the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, we have become a prideful race, who contend “the more you know, the smarter you get.”

But a lot of people have accumulated data without ever becoming smart. I believe there are four ways to be smart, which cause you to escape the world of “bumpkin:”

  1. Emotionally smart.

Basically, that’s admitting, “I can’t help anyone else if I’m a freaked-out mess.”

  1. Spiritually smart.

“I was never created to be an angel, so I need enough God in my life to love my neighbor as myself.”

  1. Mentally smart.

I need to take in just enough new information that I can try it out for myself, and therefore confirm–within me–that there’s truth to it.

  1. Body smart.

“I don’t eat too much of anything, exercise enough that I feel refreshed, and sleep every chance I can.”

My finding is that the people who follow these simple “smart values” end up being very universal and valuable to the world around them.

A bumpkin is not a person from a particular location.

A bumpkin is someone who has not yet located how to be a person.

 

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Bubble

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Bubble: (n) used to refer to a fortunate situation that is isolated from reality or unlikely to last.

When my parents told me there was no Santa Claus, the revelation that the rumor had been greatly exaggerated did not totally deflate my young, eleven-year-old soul.

It’s not because I thought it was alright for them to mislead me, and it wasn’t because I found the Nordic purveyor of toys to be Dictionary Bpersonally distasteful.

It’s that nothing really changed.

I was getting toys–and I continued to get toys. The fact that they weren’t coming from the North Pole was somewhat insignificant.

Even if I wanted to be huffy about the “fake news” concerning Mr. Claus, it was difficult for me to make a major case, considering the fact that I still had the presents.

But when I was told that the government of the United States was “for the people, by the people and of the people,” and as an adult I discovered there is much misrepresentation to that assertion–well, it’s a different “checks and balances.”

It will also be much more disappointing if I find out that God was a Holy-Land-Hoax.

In both cases, I can’t live in a bubble or isolate myself and pretend I don’t know.

Because with no government or God, the toys quickly disappear.

The absence of a good government opens the door to all sorts of graft, corruption and scandal.

Likewise, to be minus a deity is a guarantee that my eternal home will be grave circumstances, with my dreams turning to dust.

This is serious stuff, folks.

I can live without Santa Claus.

I cannot prosper if our government is dishonest or if the two-party system is a one-lane road to dissension.

And I certainly don’t want to spend my Earthly life revering a supernatural being who ends up merely the figment of the imagination of Bedouin nomads.

Help.

What can I do to make sure that my leaders–Republican and Democrat–honor the premise of liberty?

And who should I have been if God ends up taking the Santa Claus nose dive?

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Brood

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Brood: (n/v) a family of animals, or to think too deeply

There are several ironies in life.Dictionary B

Well, more than several, but a couple come to mind.

The idea that politicians can actually be statesmen. (I don’t know if that’s ironic or just pathetic.)

A second irony is the assumption that religious leaders actually give a damn about human beings.

You can be accused of being a misfit by railing against organizations which have lost their mission and purpose. Matter of fact, Jesus of Nazareth was crucified for sedition. That means he objected vehemently to existing standards–to such an extent that those who promoted the agenda found a way to kill him.

Maybe it’s because he called them a “brood of vipers.” It would be difficult to take that back, wouldn’t it? You couldn’t exactly say, “You misunderstood. I like snakes.”

But when you take into consideration the double meaning of brood, that being “a clumping” and also “a downcast, sour outlook,” you have completely described organized religion.

Religion worships a God who insists He loves everyone while simultaneously being so pissed off at humanity that He establishes stringent rules and threatens damnation.

It is alarming that atheism does not thrive more in our species, considering the abuse we endure by embracing faith.

Jesus didn’t like the Pharisees.

He said they created burdens which they expected people to bear, while they were privately finding ways around lifting their share.

Many things come in broods:

  • Certainly vipers
  • Religionists
  • Politicians
  • And white collar criminals

I suppose you can have a brood of thieves, and no doubt, a brood of murderers.

But whenever a gathering of souls completes their meeting and the departing participants have a smug grimace, you have unearthed something venomous instead of healthy.

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Brontosaurus

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Brontosaurus: (n) a large herbivorous dinosaur

In my silly brain, dinosaurs are like God.

What I mean is, they seem so unlikely that it’s hard to believe they actually existed.Dictionary B

I have gone to an African wildlife reserve and seen elephants and giraffes, which are quite impressive, but still plausible in size. The notion that there was a creature on Earth that covered half a city block is a little bit far-fetched.

But also like God, there is evidence that they were here and did roam about, leaving behind “bones for contention.”

But I’ve always favored the Brontosaurus.

So practical. Big long neck for reaching up in the trees to eat his fill, but never getting to the end of a maple tree luncheon and going, “Not quite full. I’d like to eat me a fat boy.”

They really stuck to that herbivore thing. Not like me–who becomes a vegetarian du jour, only to reject it at the first sniff of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The Brontosaurus stayed with plants.

So it’s my thought that they hung around longer than the T-Rex and the raptors.

Yes, they were around on Earth by themselves, so they could enjoy their salads … and not smell meat farts.

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Brighten

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Brighten: (v) make or become more light.

The passing years have taught me to sniff out potentially awkward situations and therefore be able to avoid them.Dictionary B

It is a blessing in a station of life that is usually cursed with wrinkles, balding and intolerance for jalapenos.

But no matter how hard you try to scrounge out all the possible weird moments, something always slips through.

Maybe you’ll end up in the middle of an obtuse conversation about God, politics or climate change.

Sometimes you get stuck with a family member who normally is given kitchen duty so no one needs to talk to him or her.

Or all the preparations you made for a journey are mocked by your vehicle, which decides to have a mid-warranty crisis.

You’re trapped.

It is in those junctures that we discover the depth of our intelligence, the breadth of our faith and the circumference of our willingness.

If we could just make a covenant with one another to take all of these “itchy encounters” and decide to brighten them up with humor, passion and concern, the human race would not have to run so fast and could stop for water breaks.

When I was a child there was a song that was often performed on what my mother referred to as “the hillbilly shows.” (These were local broadcasts which offered Country Western music from people donned in bangles, sparkles, ruffles and various incarnations of cow hide.) Even though my mother made fun of them, she occasionally watched them, and one of the songs that stuck with me had a closing lyric which has always rattled around in my soul:

“Brighten the corner where you are.”

We all get cornered.

We can act like frantic bugs, fearing we’re on our last multiple legs–or we can try to turn that corner into some sort of miracle that we’ve been dreaming of for years–and pretend it is the best thing that ever happened.

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Breeze

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Breeze: (n) a gentle wind.

I had absolutely no right or wisdom in hopping into a brown Dodge van and heading off from Ohio to Oregon.Dictionary B

I was twenty-one years old, had a music group and was convinced that the only way to prove to myself or anyone else that this was a viable occupational choice was to go out and try to make money doing it.

In my not-yet-formed brain, the logical step was to drive to Oregon, where two people had promised us a place to perform–as long as we understood there would not be much money.

Who could pass up such a bonanza?

I have mercifully had most of the trip wiped from my memory and relegated to oblivion–but I do remember driving through South Dakota, where the temperature had soared well over 100 degrees, and being so hot in our un-air-conditioned confines that we stopped in a small town at a public pool to cool off.

Even though the sun was blistering and scorched our skin, the water was ice cold, so we were a little deceived by the fact that we were actually being poached.

I got the worst sunburn of my life.

It was so bad that when we went to the drug store and bought one of those spray treatments, my hot skin turned the liquid into little scraps of paper.

I was miserable.

On top of that we had no money–procuring lodging in a motel was completely impossible.

So we found a park just outside that little town, pulled the van over, opened up all the doors, perched on some bean bag chairs we carried with us, and lay there, broiling in our burnt flesh, surrounded by humid air.

I was so miserable that I prayed.

I didn’t know if I wanted God to kill me or peel me like an orange.

About twenty minutes after I finished my little supplication, a breeze came up.

I will never forget it.

Because my skin was ablaze, the air was chilly–and felt so good. That breeze stayed with us all night long, so we didn’t swelter in our van or die of sunburn.

Now, some people probably would say that wind was a natural phenomenon of the South Dakota wilderness.

Others might insist there were three exhausted angels blowing in our direction all night long.

It doesn’t really matter what you believe, because God made the breeze … just as surely as He made the angels.

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“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina

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Breach

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Breach: (n) an act of breaking or failing to observe a law, agreement, or code of conduct

A great book once alleged that there’s a power in “repairing the breach”–finding that break in etiquette or sensibility that can be covered with a multitude of grace.Dictionary B

It is a noble notion.

The difficulty with the mission is that people will often argue with you about whether there’s a breach in the first place. After all, a common conversation with fifty Americans will render much different responses:

  • Is there racism?
  • Is chauvinism a problem?
  • Should poverty be addressed or should we just try to motivate people to work harder?
  • Is there a God or are we on our own?
  • Are people of different lifestyles entitled to their rights?
  • Should we judge people by the color of their skin?
  • Should we question religions?
  • Is it possible that some people are just better than others?
  • Do the heavens have a “chosen people?”

If we cannot agree that there’s a breach, then the repairing will be considered foolish or intrusive.

What can we agree on about our pain before we seek a relief?

It is not so much that our problems are complicated–it’s more that they’re denied.

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An advent calendar of stories, designed to enchant readers of all ages

“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina

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Brainwash

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Brainwash: (v) to make someone adopt radically different beliefs by force

If you happen to be a person who believes in God and the teachings of the Old and New Testament, you might have an understanding of what leads people astray and causes them to follow the most ridiculous ideas with subservient reverence.Dictionary B

For after all, the first brainwasher was referred to as a “serpent,” and he hung out in a garden called Eden.

He possessed a total understanding of the psyche of the human being. He realized you could get people to do almost anything if you offered them two advantages.

Number One: “What I’m about to give you is going to make you live a long time. You’re not gonna die. You’re going to bury all your friends, and you’ll have enough energy to till your garden and dance at your great-granddaughter’s wedding.”

Number Two: “If you will just trust me, you’re going to become smart. Smarter than everyone around you–superior. SO smart that you will be considered wise.”

Throughout history, promises of immortality and supreme intelligence have caused the human race to chase all sorts of devils–political, religious, financial, academic and even Mum and Pop.

Yes, we all become brainwashed when we believe that we control all the aspects of our mortality, or we feel the desperate need to be smarter than everyone else.

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 Don’t let another Christmas season go by without owning Jonathan’s book of Christmas stories

Mr. Kringle’s Tales …26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling!

An advent calendar of stories, designed to enchant readers of all ages

“Quite literally the best Christmas stories I have ever read.” — Arthur Holland, Shelby, North Carolina

Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

"Buy

 

 

 

Blather

Blather: (v) to talk long-windedly without making very much sense.

Dictionary B

There are certain words that are talked about way too much.

I’m not saying they are unimportant–I’m not even connoting they’re overused in their value to our life experience.

It’s just that when you allow foolish people to pontificate on serious matters, you end up creating an audience that is both unimpressed and unwilling to hear any more.

Just so much blather.

May I give you five of these words?

  • God
  • Love
  • Hope
  • Patriotism
  • Education

Even though the absence of any one of these pearls from our purse would be devastating, it is treacherous when the ignorant decide to offer their views like grunting pigs and barking dogs.

Just make sure if you bring up any one of these five treasures that you’re prepared to be well-spoken, briefly spoken and truthfully spoken. 

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Bemuse

Bemuse: (v) to puzzle, confuse, or bewilder someone.

Dictionary B

There are four reasons that can motivate what I do:

  1. Because God wants me to
  2. Because you want me to
  3. Because they want me to
  4. Because I want to

During every election season, I am bemused by the surrounding horde of candidates who are constantly trying to figure out what is going to be pleasing to the mass accumulation of voters.

Inevitably, because they’re trying to find what other folks want them to do, they end up stumbling over some piece of truth and speak it aloud, which they have to apologize for–insincerely.

If you want to remove bewilderment from your life–that sense of being bemused–discover one very interesting insight:

Try to fulfill at least two things off of the above list of four.

First, find out what you want to do, and then, ask yourself if it lines up with God, someone else or everybody.

It’s nice to have that confirmation. Granted, it’s not always possible.

But if you can have a buddy or divinity to back you up in the court of public opinion after you’ve spoken your desires, it does assist in helping you survive … the onslaught of nasty tweets.

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