Cupid

Cupid: (n) the ancient Roman god of love represented as a winged, naked, infant boy with a bow and arrows.

Romance is idiotic.

This doesn’t mean it’s not amazing.

I’m not trying to tell you there isn’t great joy in the percolation of human sexuality.

Romance is idiotic because the justifications we generate to permit ourselves to “swoon in June by the light of the silvery moon” are downright hilariously ignorant.

I laugh whenever I hear two lovers explain that they can’t help themselves.

“The heart wants what the heart wants.”

I’m not so sure the heart has much to do with it.

But the lust wants what the lust wants.

That’s darned tootin’ true.

To further justify the erratic tendencies of romance, we have borrowed this character from mythology—Cupid.

He shoots arrows, you know.

They are arrows of love.

I think that is definitely an oxymoron.

Or it’s simply a misplacement of a vowel or a consonant, which should actually read:

“The eros of love.”

Eros is the Greek word for sexual intercourse.

So a man with a wife and three children will swear before the Supreme Court that Cupid shot him with an arrow, and that is why he ended up screwing his twenty-two-year-old secretary.

He will be very sincere.

He might even cry about the deep affection he has suddenly acquired.

But one of the greatest truths we can impart to ourselves as men is that having an erect penis is not permission to continue. And as women, getting wet may require going somewhere to dry out.

It is not an issue of decency.

It is an attempt to keep us from acting like rabbits living in a hole, constantly searching for a hole.

We may not like the responsibility of tempering our sexuality—becoming more adept at dodging Cupid’s arrows—but we owe it to ourselves to rationally and purposefully exchange seventy years of peace of mind for seven seconds of juicy pleasure.

funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

Commission

Commission: (n) a duty given to a person or group of people.

It is pretty universally known as the “Great Commission”–the words Jesus imparted to his disciples before ascending to heaven. (You can stop reading at any point where you no longer believe.)

He said to them, “Go unto all the world and preach the Gospel to every living creature.”

Truth is, you’d be hard-pressed to find any corner of the globe (an oxymoron) where an awareness of Jesus and his deeds is not known to at least some extent.

So when you consider projects, the Great Commission has been a relatively successful one, though it has taken two thousand years.

But what weakens the Great Commission of going “into the world and preaching” is that the simpler commissions that precede it are often ignored.

The Initial Commission:

“I am not hot shit. I need to humble myself and realize that I become stronger by recognizing my weaknesses.”

You see, that Initial Commission is not nearly as popular. Why? Because you don’t get to preach at people. Yet if you try to share the Great Commission while thinking you’re better than everybody else, it will be rejected by the hearer.

Then there is the Expanding Commission:

“If I am the salt of the Earth and the light of the world, I should probably bear some fruit to prove the point.”

It always astounds me that God collects some of the laziest, broken-down, ignorant and bitter people to follow Him and attempt to convey His message of love through their hatefulness.

So you see, I don’t think the Great Commission works very well–getting a platform to preach the Gospel to the whole world–if the Initial Commission–finding out you’re a sinner–and the Expanding Commission–“well, since I’m a sinner, I might want to de-sin before I preach to others”–is not in full bloom for the world to see and smell.

I am very proud of my ancestors for sharing the message of Jesus throughout the whole world.

Now, since we’ve got a good start on it, why don’t we reinforce it by embodying his message?

 

Donate Button

Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

Good News and Better News

 

Chariot

Chariot: (n) a two-wheeled horse-drawn vehicle used in ancient warfare and racing.

“Negro spiritual. “

It’s not exactly an oxymoron, but within the two words there seems to be a contradiction of purpose.

After all, if you were a Negro, you might find it difficult to be spiritual to those who decided to know you only by that term.

Yet a race of people who were beaten, subjugated, raped and sometimes nearly starved managed to get around a fire late at night when their persecutors had retired to the Big House, and come up with songs which we now display in our religious catalogues today.

  • “Let My People Go”
  • “Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?”
  • And of course, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”

Even though the songs are melodic, harmonic and perhaps even rhythmic, they all carry a central theme: “Dear God, I hope they stop beating me and if they won’t, I hope you kill me soon.”

You can be sympathetic to their plight.

“Swing low, sweet chariot,

Comin’ for to carry me home…”

A pretty simple passage: “Since there’s no solution here on Earth, since the Massa has the whip and since my family can be sold at a moment’s notice, maybe it would be wise to begin Eternity really soon.”

Negro spiritual–a music that tells us where people find solace when other humans abandon and mistreat them.

It is soulful, it is seeking and it is sad.

I can’t listen to the song about the chariot without realizing that my ancestors made the singer want to die.

 

 

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

By-stander

j-r-practix-with-border-2

By-stander:(n) a person who is present at an event or incident but does not take part

Most people know what an oxymoron is. It’s a statement or collection of words that seem to contradict one another–case in point, jumbo shrimp.

That being said, I will tell you the little known oxymorons is the pairing of the two words “innocent by-stander.”

Although I admit meteorites do fall from the sky and hit people in the head, most of the time there’s a warning and an opportunity before a conclusion.

The warning can be subtle. Sometimes you need to tune your ears to Mother Nature in order to heed the precaution. Even though we consider people who focus on warnings to be paranoid, they rarely find themselves categorized as “innocent by-standers.”

After the warning, there’s usually some sort of opportunity:

  • A chance to say something.
  • A door to do something.
  • A way of escape–a few seconds where thinking can be clarified.

Shortly after that opportunity comes a conclusion. It is random and always certain. It doesn’t care about our status–it just follows through on the warning.

An example:

Driving in Seattle, Washington one summer, I was returning from a recording session when I looked ahead–almost a quarter of a mile–and saw a back-up of traffic. But worse, smoke was beginning to rise in small puffs, letting me know that collisions were going on between cars.

I had a very brief opportunity to avoid being part of a huge freeway pile-up. My brakes were not going to be useful–the person behind would just plow into me.

So as I saw the chain reaction developing in front of me, I moved onto the berm and traveled on it for about a mile, as cars continued to pummel one another in the calamity.

It was very close, but I was able to get in front of the origin of the collision. There was no traffic and I was on my way.

Do I think I’m a genius? No.

Have I always been so observant? No.

But when I haven’t, the problems have piled up on me. 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

 

Budge

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Budge: (v) to move slightly

I am an oxymoron.

For I will tell you of a certainty, I am a domesticated gypsy.

Or a gypsy, domesticated.

Half of my journey has been raising a family of fine sons, who now hDictionary Bave lives of their own.

But intermingled was a series of travels to share my art and heart with hundreds of thousands of people across the United States of America.

It was a precariously divine mission, one which I had to spark up in my soul daily, to guarantee enough pistons in the engine to propel me forward.

So I was often amused when I finished my show, which included music, humor and dialogue, and the sponsor nervously came to my side, twitching and relieved, and said, “It sure seems like everybody enjoyed it.”

I do think this individual usually believed if he or she had shared some problem or preference that the audience expressed, that I would leap at the opportunity to amend my approach or add a different angle to my presentation.

Here’s the truth–and you’ll just have to believe that it’s the truth since you’re not that familiar with my soul.

You can change your cologne but not your face.

What I mean by that is, if somebody wants you to smell different, it’s really no big deal.

But when somebody wants to change your look–or your outlook–they’ve landed on sacred ground.

I’m always willing to change things that don’t matter, but I won’t budge if I believe they have eternal consequences.

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

 

Bloke

Bloke: (n) a man; a fellow.

Dictionary B

There is an unwritten rule of writing. (That sounds like an oxymoron.)

What I’m saying is that normally in the process of writing five hundred words, you try not to repeat any word more than once (which I just did).

So if for some reason, your story is talking about a fellow, or some guy, and you decide not to give this gentleman a name, then you are forced to come up with a series of words which represent a male.

It’s what I call “Roget Writing”–when you look up different ideas for the same thing in the thesaurus, in order to appear clever.

It is not only difficult and clumsy, but can become quite comical–because after you’ve used, “man, guy, fellow, chap, and dude,” you start considering inserting the word “bloke.”

Even though the person is not from “Down Under,” you take the risk anyway.

It’s one of those things that makes you look like an amateur, when the better solution is to give your character a name so you don’t have to keep describing him using as many macho representations as available.

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 


Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

PoHymn cover jon

 

 

Battle

Battle: (n) a sustained fight between large, organized armed forces.Dictionary B

I think I have a new favorite stupid statement–even though I must admit that “favorite stupid statement” may be an oxymoron.

Nevertheless, I, for one, am tired of hearing people say, “I pick my battles.”

What an audaciously ridiculous notion. It’s really just an excuse for prefacing our cowardice.

In other words, “I have no intention of displaying a backbone in this situation. I have only a certain number of battles I can wage, and this is not going to be one of them.”

Let me make it clear that throughout my journey, I have never seen the time when I could pick my battles.

My battles are laid out in front of me, and I can either choose to fight them, or run away and pretend like I’m looking for “higher ground.”

“I pick my battles” is the phrase that kept stupidity alive in our country, prejudice in full force, bigotry operating successfully and talent relegated to the back row.

We don’t pick our battles.

The battles exist.

And we can choose to either participate, or be part of the people who pretended to march on the side of righteousness or who insist that if it ever happens again, they will be in the front lines.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

*******************
Don’t let another Christmas go by without purchasing Jonathan’s bestselling Christmas book!

Mr. Kringle’s Tales … 26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle’s Tales…26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

 

“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy