Category Archives: A words

Accolade

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accolade: (n) an award or privilege granted as a special honor or as an acknowledgment of merit

Famous accolades or prizes you wish could be awarded to you:

1. Your wife does not chase you out of the kitchen because she’s afraid you’ll blow up the blender.

2. Your husband comes home early from a night of being out with the guys to be with you, because he’s bored with their conversation.

3. Your boss asks your opinion and actually makes eye contact while you offer a suggestion.

4. The lovely young girl in the men’s section of the department store guesses your size, and it’s too small.

5. Your teenage son or daughter is not embarrassed to introduce you to his or her friends.

6. Your teenage son or daughter has a teacher who doesn’t giggle when he or she meets you.

7.  Your minister actually preaches less the Sunday following your comment on a lengthy sermon.

8.  Your banker smiles at you when you walk in the door instead of turning and darting into his office.

9. The guy in the meat department at the grocery store saves some “good steaks” for you because you’re such a good customer, while simultaneously frightening you with stories of what they’ve done to the “other meat.”

10.  You look in the mirror and it’s not as bad as you thought.

11.  It is as bad as you thought but the steam from the shower keeps you from looking in the mirror.

12.  Your dog leaps in the air when you walk in the room, and even pees himself at the notion of being in your presence.

13.  Your cat, who refuses to recognize that you exist, disappears one night without a trace. (Investigation still in progress . . .)

14. You finished your first tweet … and someone tweeted back.

15. You took your car to the dealership and found out that there was really nothing wrong with it, and even though they spent twenty minutes looking at it, they didn’t charge you because you are such a good customer.

16.  You arrive at Kentucky Fried Chicken just as they’re about to close, and they ask you if you’d like all the leftover pieces they were going to throw away–free of charge.

17.  The person you love thinks you’re loveable and sexy.

18. It’s a beautiful, sunshiny day, and you’ve found a radio station that plays music instead of just hits.

19. You die and arrive at the pearly gates and discover that Cloud 9 is available.

20. You have found new accolades that start your motor and keep you going, even though to some people, they appear to be insignificant.

Remember–an accolade is not something that the world considers to be worthy of consideration. An accolade is what YOU consider worthy of joyful appreciation … while you’re living in this world.

Acclivity

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acclivity: (n) an upward slope.

I suppose you could have a long debate over the issue of whether life is downhill, even-footed, or a climb.

Candidly, there have been times when I have felt noble to suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune, believing myself to be on a holy quest–uphill–for the common good. Yet too often, in the end I discovered that I put myself through some unnecessary puncture wounds for very little payoff.

Likewise, I have run away from the acclivity and have searched out a path that tilted downwards, only to discover that it was an access road to an unforseen hell.

Yet at the same time, walking straight ahead on a plain path often brings bland results, with no challenges, improvements or subtleties to discuss over dinner with your equally bored family.

So what IS the case? Are we supposed to be looking for the acclivities, approaching them as slopes to climb “because they’re there?” Or are we smarter if we lower our blood pressure points and seek an easy path?

Here’s what I have found: Find important things to do and never question if they’re difficult OR easy. Just confirm that they’re important. If they happen to be easy, allow yourself some style points and creativity in embellishing your results, to get extra credit. If they end up being hard, then take a few extra minutes of planning to simplify the process down to its rudimentary necessities and try to make it fun.

But if you find yourself walking straight ahead, repeating the same things over and over again, be very frightened. That is the broad way of destruction, which is always crowded with mediocrity, boredom and bickering.

Human beings don’t die from a challenge. Most human beings don’t croak because they have rested up. Human beings are much more likely to deteriorate because difficulty is avoided at all costs.

So am I looking for an acclivity? No. But if it’s important, I’m not afraid of it and certainly have talents which enable me to make it enjoyable.

It’s not so much the style of the path as it is making sure that the path has great style.

Acclimate

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acclimate: (n) to become accustomed to a new climate or new conditions.

When I started traveling across the country to see first-hand what CNN and Fox News only partially cover, I would arrive in a new area and finding myself stopping up in my nostrils or developing a sore throat. People explained to me that what was happening was that my body was “acclimatizing” to the climate because there was some sort of pollen, dust or air mite which I was not accustomed to, aggravating my sinus cavities.

It really sounded pussy.

Even though I am glad there is a word called “acclimate” and I sure the process does go on, still–proclaiming that we need to acclimate to anything is like announcing that “we plan on pursuing breathing today.”

I think when I finally got fed up with the notion that my nostrils were wussies and passed on the knowledge to my brain that they needed to buck up and stop being so snotty, I ceased needing to have a box of Kleenex next to me just because I landed in Albuquerque.

Yet I would have to admit that for most human beings, if you removed all dialogue, discussion and interchange about their “acclimatizing to circumstances,” most of them would appear to be deaf-mutes. It seems to be one of the more interesting topics in the human family. As we sit around and discuss things that are well beyond our control, in the purview of the natural order and usually irreversible, inserting our feelings about their existence is downright ridiculous.

For instance, I do not comprehend what a discussion about the weather achieves on any level. I am neither intrigued, frightened nor impressed with “Storm Watchers” who appear on my TV screen in some frantic mode, foretelling that rain is coming, and with that could be hail, lightning and maybe even “tornadic activity.”

Nature has been doing this for a long time, and therefore is quite professional. WE are the amateurs, and the sooner we become aware of the inevitability of rain falling on the just and the unjust, the quicker we will restore our peace of mind.

So even though I know a certain amount of acclimatizing is necessary, I would rather not discuss it.

I think the only ongoing joke in heaven is the angels and God giggling uncontrollably over human beings thinking their opinions really matter.

Acclaim

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acclaim: (n) praise enthusiastically and publicly.

You know what the problem is with “acclaim?” To achieve it you really need to make a claim on something and follow through to completion–and probably even excellence.

After all, when we begin to acclaim EVERYTHING as great, NOTHING is great. And if we acclaim things that are actually poor, trying to convince the public they are adequate, we end up with a very sarcastic populace.

So to a certain degree, acclaim is unnecessary, because if you’ve already made a claim and followed through, you are reaping the benefits and don’t need any other stamp of approval.

So there is a certain amount of dishonesty that goes into requiring acclaim. This is personified by the actor or actress at the Academy Awards who insists that it’s an “honor to be nominated by my peers.”

Supposedly it is a great boost to one’s ego to receive acclaim from those in the same profession or who possess similar motivations. But honestly, when you get to the end of a movie and you’ve played your part, if you have half a brain you pretty well know if you did your job, and the opinion you have of your own performance is much more accurate and important.

So in the pursuit of acclaim, we have made some people famous in this country who should never have left the print of their local, small-town Register.

And nowadays, of course, it’s very possible to achieve acclaim by being notorious instead of glorious.

I am suspicious of acclaim. I will go further. I am aggravated by what our society touts as worthy of “honorable mention.”

If you don’t mind, I just think I will make my own personal claims, follow through on them, discover the rewards included and enjoy a reward ceremony of my OWN making–with the trophy being a sense of satisfaction.

Accident

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accident: (n) an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.

All four of my naturally born sons and three young men who I adopted and took into my home … were accidents.

At least, that’s the word I normally use, although when I look at the definition I find that I have been misstating the facts. These seven children were certainly not unfortunate. They also gave me no damage or injury, ide from a few nights of raised blood pressure over unkempt rooms and notorious behavior.

But they WERE accidents. I didn’t plan them. Some people take great pride in the fact that they plotted families, insisting that wanting to have a child is much more noble than acquiring one in the heat of passion, without awareness.

But I think the word “accident” is very important–because how we respond to accidents, or events beyond our expectation and control–really determines the depth of our character and in many cases, the extent of our success.

I learned a long time ago that life is not impressed with my plans nor intimidated by my energetic motivations. Life has its own agenda and pushes that forward to find out if anybody can survive the mold on their daily bread. Some people just do better with mold. Flemming, for instance, found a way to turn it into penicillin. I, myself, will not throw away a slice of bread because it has mold on it. I just cut away the green. (Yuk, right?)

But using that mind set, I have learned to take the good with the bad and salvage from it something worthy of proceeding.

I would not remind my children that they were accidents–but I’ve never lied to them, either. My first son was conceived on the grass next to a horse pasture after my senior prom. That has a certain amount of charm, doesn’t it? The exact locations of the other accidental impregnations are not clear to me–I’m sure none are quite as dramatic as the “horsing around” in the grass.

But none of them were planned. And the three young men who came into my house in later years, absorbed and adopted as sons, were just as bewildered by their presence in my home as I was in taking on my second batch of human cookie dough. Accidents are a good thing … IF we change the definition from “occasions of injury” to “our new reality.” The longer we resist change, the more devastating it seems. The sooner we realize that what has happened to us is not an accident, but a by-product of a whole collage of circumstances, the better off we become.

  • No one was ever cured of cancer by denying it.
  • No one ever became a great artist by refusing to paint.
  • And no one ever moves forward until they stop looking at what has happened to them as a turn for the worse.

I had seven accidents in my life which are all now fine, grown young men. That’s pretty good.

Maybe that’s what the insurance companies mean by “accident forgiveness.”

 

Acciaccatura

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Acciaccatura: (n) a grace note performed as quickly as possible before an essential note of a melody, and falling before the beat

I play piano.

I have played it since I was a kid. There were some intervals in my life when I ceased to pound the keys because I thought it was “wussy” or girl-like. But when I realized that chicks LIKE to hear guys play the piano, I reinstated my talent.

Now, when I say I play the piano, by no means am I suggesting that I am great–but rather, have discovered a proficiency which can imitate greatness in the presence of those more forgiving.

One of the things about playing the piano–it demands both hands. If you think about it, there are not a whole lot of things we humans do with two our hands cooperating with each other, and if you’re not aware of it, your right hand and left hand are a lot like feuding brother and sister, who do not see life in the same light.

So occasionally when moving from one chord to another, a dragging finger will linger too long on a note which has absolutely nothing to do with the proposed plan. If you’re lucky, this delinquent digit will not stay long enough to create a discordant sound. But if you’re not … apparently we have a word for it.

Acciaccatura.

Now, I’m sure that some musical snobs would insist that this particular notation in the musical score is purposeful and meaningful. I will not argue with them. But in a pinch, it’s really nice when you’ve accidentally hit a note that was NOT meant to be, but have gotten off of it very quickly–to plead “acciaccatura.”

I think it would be wonderful if all of our mistakes could be spoken away in Italian.

“La-boo-boo.” What do you think of that one?

“Screwaniniuppo.” It definitely sounds better, doesn’t it?

And I, for one, am not going to rail against those who come up with clever phrasing to explain away occasional human flaws and errors. So the next time you hear me play the piano and you perceive a note which might be misplaced, please realize that I have just performed … an acciaccatura.

Access Road

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Access road: (n) a road giving access to a place or to another road.

About ten years ago I purchased a home perched on top of a hill.

It was very beautiful–but quite difficult to climb when it was time to settle in for the night. It was more suited for a mountain goat than an out-of-shape Pillsbury dough-boy such as myself.

So almost immediately I noticed that there was a space between the tree and the bushes in the front yard where my car could fit through, propelling me up the grade to the front door of the house, where I could walk in like a normal person. Understand–there was no actual driveway there, and I’m sure when the next-door-neighbors saw that I was driving across the front lawn to acquire entrance to my home, and were a bit perplexed, if not amused.

But I didn’t care.  I required access so I made a road.

As I travel, I often find an exit on the freeway preceded by a series of tire tracks, where someone has discovered that it was unnecessary to go all the way to the exit, because a quicker journey could be made across the median to the awaiting highway. They had created their own access road.

We have access roads for everything. In a sense, we even have access roads in life for the truth. If we can find a better exit from our dilemma other a total revelation of the facts, we will certainly hasten to escape the main drag and scurry off to safety.

So I’m not quite sure what access roads possess in the way of righteousness. They are more or less short cuts that human beings take to get from one place to another, often with little regard for maps and signs.

To try to eliminate them totally, or legislate them out of existence, would prove to be unfruitful.

Yet to believe that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line that I create may be the definition of pride and presumption.

Accessorize

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accessorize: (v.) provide or complement (a garment) with fashion accessories: the leisure suits were accessorized with white vinyl loafers and matching belts.

I wouldn’t say that I lose sleep over it, but there is a certain amount of turmoil inside my brain when I try to figure out what to wear with my gray jogging pants with the white stripe down the side and the elastic waist band which no longer seems to be willing to be elastic. At that point, you’re grateful to have a belly which holds your pants up instead of having to trust that the original garment’s intention for retention will hold true…

First of all, I probably should apologize for calling them jogging pants, considering that I have never jogged in them and probably will never pursue such foolishness. So let me change the name to blogging pants, since I have blogged in them and probably will again.

The problem is that I don’t know what to wear with graying trousers. They require an accompaniment which is just a notch above their social strata. Otherwise people walk up on the street, hand me dollar bills and wish me good luck.

What I mean is that a pair of old pants demands a newer, hipper shirt–or the pants don’t seem to be an attempt at dressing down, but rather, an admission of pernicious poverty.

So I guess my favorite way to accessorize my aging gray blogging pants is to wear a black t-shirt (which my oldest son insisted had a skeleton on it, but really, I think is the embroidered head of a Klingon. Some people think there’s not much difference between a skeleton and a Klingon, but I would have to refer to those people as the personification of ignorance).

Shoes become important, too. My blogging pants are not really long enough to hide my socks when I’m sitting down, so therefore the shoes feel totally exposed to the outside world and need to be confident that they are being appreciated for their fine, soulful, “footery” nature.

A ball cap helps. The beautiful thing about wearing a baseball cap is that it tells people that you’re accessorizing towards a common humanity–but that you’re also willing to advertise some inane team or idea at the same time.

Actually, as you can see, for being an extraordinarily masculine straight man, I probably spend entirely too much time thinking about accessorizing. But if you followed THAT logic, golfers and bowlers–with their funny bright-colored pants and strange, plaid shirts–must be flaming queens.

 

Access

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Access: (n.) 1. means of approaching of entering a place 2. the right to use or benefit from 3. the right or opportunity to approach or see someone 4. the action or process of obtaining or retrieving information stored in a computer’s memory 5. the condition of being able to be reached or obtained.

Here we go again.

Over and over, we see the same stupid procedure utilized by seemingly intelligent men and women when confronted with the inadequacy of their performance. For some reason or another, people find it difficult to simply say, “I screwed up.”

Nearly every President throughout our history has suffered from some sort of scandal–not because error occurred, but mainly generated by the back-pedaling and lying initiated after the fact.

I am not positive at what age we begin to hide inside our shells and “turtle” our emotions and motivations away from the world around us. It certainly isn’t when we’re little kids. I remember when I was a child, I embarrassed my parents by walking out holding my own turd in my hand to explain to them that I had failed to make it all the way to the bathroom. Much to their dismay, this presentation was acted out in front of some clients they were trying to impress. It wasn’t that I was proud of my offering on that day–it was simply that I was naive enough to believe that it was essential to give my parents access to every part of my life–even misplaced bowel movements.

It must have been some time in my teens when it seemed more prudent to cover up my mistakes with lies and excuses, which I apparently succeeded in pulling off enough times that I thought I could pursue it as a lifestyle.

We can’t.

Although I agree that complete transparency might be optimistic, being the FIRST one to admit your failures is an advantage that God grants only to the wisest confessors. Once you are found out by strangers, you are at the mercy of their discretion. That’s frightening.

What would I tell the President if I were his advisor? Find out immediately where you had ANY tie-in with these existing difficulties–or KNEW anyone who had a link–and release the information as quickly as possible.

Certainly your enemies will have a heyday over the stupidity–but not as much as they will over the notorious disguise of the facts.

I love to write a daily blog because it gives me the chance to access the truth in my soul and give you access to it, before you independently discover what a dim-witted idiot I can be from time to time.

Yes, I will be so bold as to tell you that the only way to look smart in this world is to point out when you’re stupid. If you wait for the jury to come in, you will never be able to negotiate a plea bargain, and often, each one of us is careless enough that we must throw ourselves on the mercy of the court.

Accept

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Accept: (v.)1 consent to receive 2. agree to undertake 3. give an affirmative answer to

What do I accept?

Even though I concurred with the above definitions, accepting something has another ramification for me. It requires loyalty.

We have too many people who accept things in life only to turn their backs on them when the least little difficulty challenges the concept. We often are more afraid of inconvenience than we are of failure. Inconvenience is inevitable, since we live on a planet which refuses to follow our will. Failure, on the other hand,  is optional. Failure is a decision to turn tail and run instead of taking the time to learn and evolve.

What do I accept?

1. I accept my personal responsibility to encapsulate the best possible human behavior I can conjure within the confines of my own skin. In other words, I have no intention of blaming you for the world’s problems because I plan on staying too busy in reformation.

2. I accept my family and friends as those who have joined me on the journey. They are no better than any other human beings–just closer in proximity.

3. I accept the law and order around me as being the best we can come up with at this point until wisdom shows us a better way.

4. I accept that there is a God because the absence of such a being leaves us with a godless world.

5. I accept that I am not better than anyone else. I am also on a path to prove this daily.

6. I accept that there is a natural order to life and when I learn the precepts of the organization, I can prosper. When I don’t, I have an immediate reason for my incompleteness.

7. I also accept Jesus as the best example I’ve found to explain why human beings are here and how they should get along. And also, since I am sometimes a bit lost and hapless, I will also receive him as my savior.

All these seven acceptances do not make me perfect or even qualify me to speak my convictions aloud with authority. They are just ways for me to set a solution in motion–and remain loyal to a cause instead of constantly bitching at the cosmos … because it deters me.