Category Archives: A words

Absquatulate

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absquatulate: (v.) {HUMOROUS}to leave abruptly: the overthrown dictator absquatulated to the US.

Now we’re just getting silly.

I have certainly discovered in my lifetime that having a decent vocabulary can be advantageous in portraying some presence and bearing. But each and every one of us knows there is a fine line between knowing words and using words.

Matter of fact, I often have to revise the words I use in my books when I deliver public readings because the particular term, rather than being enlightening, stops the audience in mid-thought as they try to figure out exactly what that particular verb or noun might mean.

It’s just a waste of time.

And of course, both you and I are suspicious of it. If I’m watching a pundit on television and he suddenly releases some three-syllable word not of my acquaintance, I don’t think he is more intelligent than me. I just think he grabbed a thesaurus right before he went on TV and picked out the biggest word he could find, in order to come across superior.

Here’s what I know about the word absquatulate. If you ever used it, people would insist that you absquatulate from the room. They would first do this by turning their backs on you. If it was a party, they might become quite interested in the texture of the chip dip. But eventually, after escaping to the bathroom three or four times to gain some relief from being in your presence, they would remember a cat to feed at home.

Yes, I will say it aloud and say it proud: the best way to express intelligence is through your productive actions, not through your words or debating technique.

This is why Congress has a very low appreciation level among the American people. No one would doubt that this is an intelligent group of guys and gals. No one would ever insinuate that these alleged law-makers don’t know what absquatulate means.

It’s just that we’re all quietly and eagerly awaiting the next election, in order to permanently absquatulate them from office–a truly Capitol idea.

Absorb

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absorb: (v.) 1. take in or soak up energy or a liquid or other substance by chemical or physical action, typically gradually 2. engross the attention of someone: the work absorbed him.

You do realize–there is no prize given to those like myself, who are very successful at absorbing calories. It is a prejudicial situation.

If I absorb knowledge, I am praised. If I absorb iniquity, I am rebuked. If I absorb water, I am bloated. If I absorb the right amount of fluid, I am hydrated.

How do we know exactly how much to absorb before we are saturated, which brings us right back to saturated fats, which, by the way, we are not supposed to absorb.

When we are little tykes we are forbidden from watching certain television shows because we will absorb them into our minds, which are compared to sponges. Why would we think little ones contain spungier brains than older folks? Especially since those with greater years seem to do more damage than the playground crowd?

So what should I absorb?

I read a book once which said that things which are good, pure, praiseworthy–that these are things to absorb and think on. But if you spend your entire life trying to be a “do-gooder,” there are those around you who will find that obnoxious, pious or even boring.

So how much of “bad” can I absorb for the purpose of entertainment or acceptance in my society, before I begin to sprout some of the darkness myself? Because after a while, when you absorb something, it leaks out somewhere,  right?

You do get around people who insist they can tolerate much more absorption. Like a high toleration for pain, for instance.  I have to admit, though, that I find ita bit useless to be proud of achieving high standards of long-suffering.

What should we absorb without becoming contrary to those who walk around us, who for one reason or another, need to put up with our attitudes and lifestyles?

  • How much of social change can we absorb before we totally sacrifice everything we truly believe to be of pristine value?
  • What can we absorb of spirituality without flirting with the tendency to be religious?
  • How much language from the common culture can we absorb before we are judged by our words–prior to ever having the chance to establish our talents?

Absorbing is tricky business. It’s why I would not like to come back to earth as a sponge. Even though I don’t particularly hold to any ideas of reincarnation, returning to the planet as a sponge would put me at the bidding of people who want to clean up messes–and because I’m an absorber, I can’t exactly complain about what fills me up.

I guess I’d like to maintain the right to be a little fussy about what I absorb. I don’t want to be behind the times, but I don’t want the times to get behind me and shove me into decisions that truly are not of my making. Does that make sense?

It’s not that I want to drag my feet–it’s just that I would like a little time to put on my own shoes … if we’re going to walk a new path.

Absonent

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absonent: (adj.) discordant or unreasonable.

Actually, my “discordant brothers and sisters” in music thought I was the unreasonable one. Almost universally, they decided to pursue a life of making absonent compositions that were completely atonal and vacant melodic and harmonic tenderness. They contended that all the possible linkage of notes had already been achieved, and anything done now would simply be a rehashing of former inspiration.

I just found it sad. It’s very similar to going to a meeting and having the moderator inform all those attending that it was decided not to do much of anything because everything that was brought up seemed to be either impossible or just a remake of old ideas.

When did we become so cynical? When did we discover we lacked faith in the abilities that pulsate through our bodies–so much so that we can’t take the chance that something original could spring through our gray matter? Why do people feel intelligent nowadays by finding reasons that things should not work instead of taking the time to champion a cause and risk trying something that could be beneficial?:

I don’t know.

But in a six-year period, I sat down and wrote twelve symphonies. I did. I don’t know if they’re great. I don’t know if someone would listen to them and insist they heard hints of “this and that” and garnishes of “whatever.” In the moment I composed them, they were original to me, and they thrust my soul light-years ahead in awareness and jubilation. That can’t be bad, right?

So the next time you get around someone who insists that the intellectual approach to any situation is to be discordant or nasty, just quietly slip away to your room, write a melody that comes from your heart, and sing it with the confidence that it is yours and yours alone.

For after all, in that moment … it truly is.

Absolution

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absolution: (n.) formal release from guilt, obligation or punishment.

I’m sorry.

About what?

About that thing.

What thing?

That thing I did wrong.

What was wrong about it?

It hurt somebody.

How did it hurt them?

I’m really not sure.

Are you saying they shouldn’t have been hurt?

No, I’m saying it probably wouldn’t have affected ME that way.

So are you sorry that you hurt them or that they’re so weak they got hurt?

Now you’re just confusing me.

So should I be sorry?

For what?

Hurting you by confusing you.

Now you’re just playing games.

So is it a game?

Is what a game?

Forgiveness.

I don’t see what you mean.

What I mean is, if you’re really not convinced that your actions were errant and misguided, how can you assure yourself that absolution would bring a change in your behavior?

Even if I don’t change, I still need absolution.

So you’re counting on me giving you absolution every time you come and ask forgiveness, even if you’re not convinced of your responsibility?

Hell, yeah.

Makes sense.

I don’t know whether it makes sense or not, but it’s me.

So how are you supposed to grow?

I guess if you keep asking me these questions, eventually I might try to understand better why I do what I do.

Okay.

See you next time.

Absolute

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absolute: (adj.) not qualified or diminished in any way: total absolute secrecy  2. a value or principle that is regarded as universally valid or that may be viewed without relation to other things: good and evil are presented as absolutes

Absolutely valid. Wow.

I was just sitting here thinking about how in my lifetime, I was instructed in a whole bunch of absolutes which ended up being absolutely ridiculous.

As a boy I was told that black people and white people shouldn’t mix because God had ordained the more pale parts of His creation to be enlightened and the darker ones to be servants. Yes, I was tutored in how the Creative Heavenly Father color-coded His human family to make it clear how they should be categorized.

  • This was an absolute. It was wrong.

I was told by my parents and church that rock and roll was “of the devil” and no good could ever come of it because the beat of the music was purposefully coordinated to the heartbeat of the human being so as to stimulate our juices, to make us act like the natives in Africa, who ran around naked, committing all sorts of sins of the flesh. I was a good white boy from Ohio. I didn’t want to turn into a pigmy or a cannibal. So at first I avoided the demon rock and roll–that is, until I sat down and really listened to it and realized that it energized not only my physical heart, but touched my teenage searching one as well.

  • They were absolutely sure that rock and roll was evil. They were wrong.

I was told that divorce was a sin and anyone who committed it and remarried was in danger of hell because they would be committing adultery. Matter of fact, I saw many ministers and politicians who had to abandon their occupations so as to purge themselves of their sinfulness due to the separation from a spouse. But enough politicians and preachers broke the bonds of marriage that eventually a new doctrine had to be brought forth to give retroactive forgiveness for “splitting the sheets”–and now nearly all the churches in America have a ministry geared to those who are no longer matrimonially entwined.

  • This was an absolute–until it wasn’t.

So to be candid,  I’m a little fuzzy on the concept of “absolutes.” I hear people scream them at the top of their lungs today–many of them the offspring of the former “anti-mixing-of-the-races, rock-and-roll-is-hellish and divorce-is-iniquity” crowd.

I think I have come up with a simple conclusion: the only absolutes we know for sure are that we are all human, we should never judge and Mother Nature and God are much better deciders of what will continue to evolve and what the planet doesn’t need.

Yes–I guess I’m absolutely human.  That is the absolute I am comfortable in donning.

Absitomen

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absitomen:  (exclam.) used to express the hope that something undesirable should not foreshadow its  arrival or occurence. From the Latin: “may this omen be absent.”

Shall we talk about some sucky jobs?

How about campaign manager for a losing Presidential candidate? Hard to get new work.

How about latrine inspector? I know you may think that latrine cleaner might be worse, but at least you would understand your function. Inspector really has to get his nose in the pot.

Here’s another one. How would you like to be the soothsayer in the court of a king in the Dark Ages, who calls you in and wants to know what the outcome of today’s battle will be? You’re supposed to be in charge of reading all the omens.

Let’s just say, for discussion’s sake, that there ARE no omens. Yet you have a king who insists that he needs one. So if you say there are bad omens regarding the battle and he goes out and wins, you will be beheaded. If you say there are good omens for the battle and he loses, you will be likewise headless.

So the only safe thing to do is to stir around some chicken gizzards in a bowl, pour in three fingers worth of vinegar, mumble some magic words and turn to the anxious king and say, “All signs point to a victory.”

Because here’s the scenario: if he loses, you can hope that HE gets killed in the battle and you are part of the retreating army, head intact. If he wins, you will be lavished with gifts for your good omen that summoned victory.

This omen stuff is really dangerous.

Even nowadays, people who study prophecy from scrolls thousands of years old, trying to find hidden meaning for the future, always end up looking stupid. If they’re going to sell an idea or a book, they have to get specific about a date for the end of the world, and then when that date comes and go, they have to survive on the money already made or come up with a reason that the original calculation was off.

I don’t know about this word for today. But I think any time you tie an omen into anything, it’s really… well, it’s really a bad omen.

Absinth

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absinth:  (n.) 1. the shrub wormwood 2. a potent, green aniseedflavored liqueur that turns milky when water is added. Prepared from wormwood, it is now largely banned because of its toxicity.

All right, my imagination went nuts. Here’s what I see: a rather smarmy middle-aged gentleman, dressed in an unkempt, off-white linen suit, with beads of sweat sprouting around his brow, sitting in a large chair with once-lush velvet cushions, now a bit threadbare, presenting a chalice of drink in the direction of our hero, with a tiny, wicked smile on his lips, speaking in a broken accent: “Here. Drink. It’s dee-lee-cious.”

Our hero pauses, knowing certainly that this offering of refreshment is laced with some sort of poison–probably from wormwood. But to keep the upper hand, he takes the cup and downs it with one humongous gulp. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and says in his best Midwestern, American accent, “Best I ever tasted.”

Our villain begins to laugh and cackle, giggling uncontrollably. “It is poison,” he says, sporting a bit of drool at the corners of his mouth. “And only I have the antidote.” He holds up a small vial which looks like it would contain really expensive eye drops.

At this point, any variety of plot twists could occur. A wrestling match for the antidote. Or perhaps our hero masterfully regurgitates the contents of his stomach, explaining that figuring our wicked friend would conjure a devious plan, he had surgically had his stomach lined with polyurethane to protect him from all poisons.

I don’t know. I decided a long time ago that it was much more fun to be a little wacky than being straight-laced and narrow-minded. Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would want to drink anything extracted from wormwood. Of course it’s going to be poison. Sometimes the name says it all.

But there are those people who call themselves adventurers, who are not excited enough about the prospect of breathing normally, moving around and enjoying pizza–so they want some danger in their lives.

I am not one of them.

But I am willing to go to the movies to view their antics.

(What did you think of the polyurethane-lined stomach??)

 

Absent-minded

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absent-minded: (adj.)  having or showing an habitually forgetful or inattentive disposition

I’ve misplaced my notes. I could have sworn I left them next to my wallet, which still may be possible because right now I can’t find my wallet. It is my style to leave my wallet on my nightstand next to my keys. But I just found my keys in the bathroom next to my razor, so I guess they are not near my wallet, unless my wallet is in there, too–which upon careful inspection, is …

Speaking of inspection, I think this year I have to have my van inspected for tags, even though I am not sure if the state of Florida demands that particular situation to acquire tags.

I was thinking about a tag I had on my window that my son and daughter-in-law purchased for me, to pay for tolls when you go through those easy tag places on the roads. It’s not on my window.

I was so glad the other day when I had a big pebble hit the front of my car off of one of those gravel trucks–you know what I mean?–it slammed against the glass and I thought, “Oh, no. I hope it doesn’t chip or leave one of those little stars on the windshield, it would have to be repaired.” But it didn’t–so I was relieved.

Speaking of relieved, it was really cool that the Louisville basketball team won, even though they lost one of their players because he broke his leg. I’ve never broken a leg, though I think I cracked a bone in my ankle once. Can you crack a bone? I never got it set or anything. Of course, now, with these emergency outposts in malls, you could get that kind of thing done quickly.

And on the subject of malls,  it’s been a while since I’ve been to one. You know what I find? The things I want are so specific that I don’t just go to shop around anymore. I just get them.

And back to getting, I need to find my notes. Where did I put them?

Well, there’s my wallet. Yep. There’s my notes. Right next to my wallet.

Let me see. Notes for absent-minded…

The phone is ringing. Perhaps another time.

Absentee Ballot

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absentee ballot: n.  a ballot completed and typically mailed in advance of an election by a voter who is unable to be present at the polls.

I was just a little kid. (Little kid–that may be a bit of redundancy, except truthfully, I wasn’t really little.)

My parents were staunch Republicans. Every election season, they would brag about walking into the booth and voting a “straight Republican ticket.” Since they were my parents, I assumed that was another piece of nobility to be revered, and only later discovered that it was a proclamation of a bit of preconceived ignorance.

Matter of fact, that particular mindset is so prevalent in our society today that the action of voting may be all absentee–not just ballots sent in from some far-away land by traveling citizens.

No, it appears to me that at times all the American people are absentee during their balloting.

  • They seem to be absentee of allowing their minds to be changed by reason, and instead wave the flag over their particular party of choice.
  • There seems to be an absentee nature in understand the expansive needs of a multi-cultural America, which is mushrooming much faster than its willingness to contemplate.
  • There seems to be an absentee of respect given between candidates campaigning for the same office–a disrespect for the ability of the other person to have gotten that far in the process.
  • There seems to be an absentee of understanding that merely possessing a morality of your own choice does not make it superior to another person’s interpretation.
  • And certainly we are absentee of following through on a conclusion to our political theories, determining whether they actually produce a government “of the people, for the people and by the

people.”

Even though I think voting can be a very good thing, I find it neither regal, virtuous or heavenly when it can be so easily “bedeviled” by stubborn loyalty instead of common sense.
Perhaps THAT’S the problem in America. Like my mother and father so many years ago, all the votes being cast seem to be absentee of the deliberation necessary to honor the traditions that have made this country rich with potential.

For let us be frank. The greatest leaders in our history–George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and any others you might conjure in your mind–if deposited into our time, would all be completely uncomfortable associating themselves with either political party.

Because change is not a party.

It is often a lonely trip in the middle of the night to the local convenience store to pay too much for supplies, desperately needed.

Absence

by J. R. Practix

dictionary with letter A

Absence: n. 1. the state of being away from a place or person 2. the nonexistence or lack of

Sometimes it’s just knowing that if you had something you’d be happier or if you were with someone, you could be content.

You see, that’s the danger of experiencing happiness. I think it’s why some people avoid it. I mean, if you just go neutral, pretending that things are supposed to be hard, tough or mean, then when things end up being exactly that way, you can comment that you really are not surprised because it’s what you expected.

Absence happens when we have taken the risk to allow something to fill our space, knowing that it might not last. Sometimes we wonder why life seems mediocre, as we purposely walk away from everything that might give it meaning.

But I am sympathetic. It’s a scary thing to live a life where you pursue joy and fulfillment because if it goes away, the pain and sadness are even deeper.

Yet the absence we feel in our soul over failing to participate is a bottomless well.

What a mess! If we chase the moon and we never escape Earth’s atmosphere, we will be disappointed. If we stare at our shoes and pretend there is no moon, we are equally as deprived. So it’s really a question of which “absence” you want to experience. Do you want the absence of ANY possibility of excitement and risk? Or do you want the absence of pursuing excitement and risk, tasting the first fruits, but forfeiting the blessing?

I don’t know.

But I am aware of this:

  • The human body was meant to be active.
  • The human heart was meant to feel.
  • The human soul was intended for faith
  • And the human brain was constructed to gain knowledge.

So I guess, whether we like it or not, the only way to be happy is to risk the absence of it in our lives.