Tag Archives: TV

Compulsion

Compulsion: (n) forced to do something through an irresistible urge

At one time I had a compulsion to be noticed. Now I like to notice.

I had a compulsion to be sexy. Now I’m extremely grateful if anyone is willing to have sex with me.

Also, there was a great compulsion in me to have money. Now I like to high-five myself when I find a clever way to use leftovers.funny wisdom on words that begin with a C

I had a compulsion to be famous. Now it’s exciting to be well-thought-of.

I had a compulsion to yell at other people I felt were idiots daring to drive cars around me. Now I ignore my horn–we haven’t interacted for weeks.

I had a compulsion to be spiritual. Now I’m lavishing in the joy of being real.

I had a compulsion to see my children do well. I woke up and realized it’s their lives.

I had a compulsion to participate in politics. Now I pop some corn and watch it.

I had a compulsion to be thinner. Now I work on trying not to be fatter.

I had a compulsion to be healthy. Now I cross my fingers and thank God for His grace.

I had a compulsion to be compulsive. Now I’ve learned the victory, the peace of mind and the utter bliss of “taking no thought.”

 

Donate Button

Subscribe to Jonathan’s Weekly Podcast

Good News and Better News

 

Cockroach

Cockroach: (n) a beetlelike insect with long antennae and legs, feeding by scavenging

If you wish to impress someone, tell him or her that you’re planning on preparing and serving lobster for dinner.

If for some reason, you are in need of getting rid of an old friend, or just want to keep someone out of your hair, tell him or her you have to get home to set roach traps.

Cockroaches are not just bugs.

They aren’t merely creatures crawling on the Earth, sharing space with us during our sojourn.

There are many annoying things about them. Actually, they hit on ALL the frustration buttons available, sending human beings into a tizzy.

  1. They have been around longer than we have, and according to scientific projections, will be sweeping up after we leave.
  2. They have no standards whatsoever for the joints they frequent, so they carry disease and gunk with them everywhere they go.
  3. They are sneaky, but once they have proof that you’re incapable of destroying them, they’re very willing to crawl into your living room while you’re binge-watching your favorite show and peer at you, mocking you, with full confidence in their little tiny grubby hearts that you will not get up and squash them.
  4. They multiply very quickly and their children seem more obedient to their cause then our own.
  5. And of course, they’re a symbol and stigma of poverty, and perhaps the definition for having a filthy house.

This just pisses us off. Cockroaches don’t care.

They can be exterminated, but not terminated.

They can be discouraged, but not overtaken.

And they can be insulted, and roll right back over to crawl around with their nasty, hairy legs–through all of our things.

I don’t like cockroaches.

I don’t think cockroaches like me.

I’ve had cockroaches.

I fear that cockroaches have had me.

I don’t think we’ll ever work out a deal.

But I hope that someday, when they inherit the Earth, there will be some creature to come along that gives them the creeps.

 

Donate Button

Buffalo

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Buffalo: (n) a heavily built wild ox with backswept horns

I saw one.

I was driving across the country many years ago in my beat-up, brown Dodge van, with two other folks. Dictionary BWe were crossing the plains–I think South Dakota–and there in the distance was a buffalo.

Even though I’ve never been close to one, I’ve seem them in movies enough that I was pretty sure I was staring at the beast. We were on a back country road, so we decided to stop and pull out our old-fashioned cameras, which were not digital, climb out and take some pictures of the creature.

He–or she–was about a hundred yards away.

All at once, this hairy force of nature noticed us and started ambling in our direction. We thought it was cool.

But as it got closer and closer, it got bigger and bigger and fiercer and fiercer and faster and faster. It was less than thirty yards from us when we deicded we’d better jump back into the van, figuring we would be safe.

The buffalo actually came all the way to our position. Feeling well encased, we continued taking pictures through the window glass. The buffalo apparently became offended because it came over, took its big, ugly head and bumped the passenger door.

It was loud.

The lady sitting in that chair was absolutely terrified.

I started the van and took off, with the buffalo trying to keep up for about a hundred feet.

When we were fully away from the scene, we pulled over and got out to assess the damage.

There was a huge dent in the door, which we could never afford to fix.

So from that point on, whenever we came out to get into the van, we were reminded of our friend from the Dakotas.

Like so many things in life, it’s much nicer to see them on TV.

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

 

Baseball

Baseball: (n) a ball game played between two teams of nine on a field with a diamond-shaped circuit of four basesDictionary B

From my youth, baseball was pitched my way but I never caught on.

I don’t know exactly why.

I’m not so sure I’ve ever watched an entire baseball game on TV, and the two times I attended a game at a park, I survived it by consuming enormous amounts of hot dogs.

So when I read the word today, I thought to myself, what is it I don’t like about baseball?

Before I answer, please understand that my conclusions are arbitrary and certainly cemented in a tomb of my own misunderstanding. Nevertheless:

1. It’s slow.

By the time the follow-up play responds to the previous action, I have forgotten what has been accomplished.

2. It’s a team sport.

Even though we extol team sports, I think we actually enjoy competitions that have fewer participants and more heroes.

3. It demands proficiency in a variety of activities.

It is difficult to praise singular action. In other words, you have to catch, throw, hit, run, slide and steal. Any one of these should be enough.

4. There is so much space between actions that it should be filled in with background movie music.

Maybe the tunes could even be complementary and generate excitement in the performance.

5. And finally, I didn’t do it very well.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

*******************
Don’t let another Christmas go by without purchasing Jonathan’s bestselling Christmas book!

Mr. Kringle’s Tales … 26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle’s Tales…26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

 

“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy

 

 

 

Astonish

Astonish (v): to surprise or impress someone greatly.dictionary with letter A

  • Someone letting another person go in front of them in the grocery store because they have fewer items
  • A homeless man picking up trash in the park where he sleeps.
  • Anyone who lets me into traffic when they don’t have to.
  • A beautiful sunshiny day.
  • Finishing up my daily writing, realizing that something really cool came out of someone like me.
  • Sitting in a room with friends and watching them laugh and feeling a part of it.
  • A really good meal that came out of nowhere from what looked like a broken-down diner.
  • Discovering in the check-out line that the item you purchased is further reduced in price.
  • Reaching into an old jacket pocket and finding $20.
  • Saying a prayer and actually feeling better.
  • Barely escaping being hit by an eighteen-wheeler.
  • Driving through the desert at the end of the day, peering at a beautiful sunset.
  • Going to bed with some aches and pains, to wake up in the morning with them amazingly gone.
  • Reaching the end of the month and having a few dollars left in your bank account after all the bills are paid.
  • Having someone compliment you on how well-behaved your children are.
  • Coming home and discovering that your kids have actually cleaned their room.
  • Having a very tiring day and then the dog comes in and licks your hand.
  • Wondering how you’re going to spend an evening and discovering an old movie you really love is just coming on TV.
  • Overwhelmed by the notion that someone who has known you for twenty years still loves you.
  • Reaching your latest birthday and feeling younger than older.
  • Knowing that you’re not alone, but you belong.

These are some astonishing things that should always be viewed with great astonishment.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Anymore

dictionary with letter A

Anymore: (adv) usually used with a negative connotation, to any further extent; any longer: (e.g. she refused to listen anymore)

I don’t want to focus on color anymore.

I don’t want to pursue an eye for an eye anymore.

I don’t want to treat women as opponents anymore.

I don’t want to be jealous of my fellow-humans anymore.

I don’t want to make God work so damn hard to save me anymore.

I don’t want to look across a room and decide what I think about a person anymore.

I don’t want to be so demanding anymore.

I don’t want to look for a savior in politics anymore.

I don’t want to eat more than I need anymore.

I don’t want to pray to a God in heaven without looking for Him on earth anymore.

I don’t want to watch trash on TV that has been touted as art anymore.

I don’t want to hurt people anymore.

I don’t want to call my selfishness self-preservation anymore.

I don’t want to accept pornography, excess and violence anymore.

I don’t want to pretend that abortion is a casual choice anymore.

I don’t want to insist that I have a “fat gene” anymore.

I don’t want to don the robes of judgment anymore.

I don’t want to get in a bad mood and pick a fight anymore.

I don’t want to rationalize my bad behavior anymore.

I don’t want to look on the rest of the world as non-American anymore.

I don’t want to believe in a God who claims to be love but occasionally sprouts hate through his followers anymore.

I don’t want to second-guess my generosity anymore.

I don’t want to look back on the “anymores” of my life which were opportunities to set myself apart and do something great, and choose to be mediocre anymore.

“Anymore” doesn’t have to be negative if you use it to do positive things … to battle your own stupidity.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Antarctica

dictionary with letter AAntarctica: A continent around the South Pole

Somebody just wanted seven.

I am convinced that some guy putting together the map of the world thought that seven continents looked better than six, so he peered down at the South Pole and said, “Hey! There’s a continent!”

(Obviously, he didn’t think that eight was as poetic as seven. Otherwise, why leave out the North Pole?)

It must have been a real public relations bonanza for all the penguins and polar bears, even though I cannot truthfully tell you that I am positive there are polar bears at the South Pole.

Actually, what I know about the South Pole has gone south in my intelligence level.

I know this: I have no desire to visit it.

Matter of fact, when it occasionally comes on the television set with some sort of special about it, I turn the channel because I get cold.

I don’t like to get cold.

I grew up in the Midwest in an area where we weren’t even blessed with an abundance of snow–only the dreariness of gray clouds and the damp, bitter Jack Frost nipping at your ass.

So as I have aged (beyond twelve) I yearn for a place where you can walk out the door without having to display half of your wardrobe to stay warm.

So obviously, I am not a fan of Antarctica.

I don’t even like penguins that well because I think they’re making fun of how I walk.

And I was disappointed the first time I saw a polar bear, realizing that they’re really not white. They’re kind of a sickly beige.

So hats off to those who want to explore this mysterious seventh continent, including it on their bucket list of things to do before they die.

Just realize that if you do go … everything in your bucket will be frozen.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Ambulance

dictionary with letter A

Ambulance: (n) a vehicle equipped for taking sick or injured people to and from the hospital, especially in emergencies

I’ve only been in an ambulance once.

I’ve seen them on TV. I’ve watched shows about those who drive them and care for the injured.

But many years ago, when my son was hit by a car and they placed his dramatically injured body into the back of that howling van, the reality of its purpose, function and destiny became quite clear to me.

I didn’t know what to do.

When I get confused, frustrated or totally wacked out of my mind, I always talk too much. I probably should have sat there, silent and stunned. But somehow, as I perched by the side of my child and the attendant was working on him, trying to revive him, putting tubes into his body, I felt as if I needed to speak.

Maybe it was similar to letting the pressure off of a steam engine to keep it from blowing up. I don’t remember all of what I said–I’m sure some of it was stupid, because the technician occasionally looked up, surprised at my perception or question.,

I looked down at my son’s compound fracture in his left leg and I asked the gentleman if it would be difficult to fix it.

Without missing a beat, between checking pulse and heart rate, he replied, “They’re good with bones. What you need to pray about is the head injury.”

I felt like someone shot me with a gun.

Even though I’ve never had that experience, it is the closest way I can think of to describe how those words pierced.

I was quiet the rest of the way.

Ambulances are like so many other things in life: they should be avoided at all costs.

But mercy should be given to those who find themselves within. 

Allegory

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter A

Allegory: (n) a story, poem or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one: e.g. Pilgrim’s Progress is an allegory of the spiritual journey.

I am not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line, the word “reality” became synonymous with “truth.”

Reality is not truth. Rather, it is our present fallen position.

Often we have to escape reality to climb a little higher to see over the mounds of our own stupidity. Yet in the past thirty or forty years, entertainment, education and even our politics have boasted their “open-mindedness” and intellectual pursuits by taking a snapshot of ongoing human behavior, insisting that it is a tableau of our destiny.

Isn’t that ridiculous?

So when I think about the allegory, I realize that it is almost a lost art–because allegory does exactly the opposite of reality movies and TV. The allegory says there are principles, feelings and ideas which are eternal and lasting–which only need to be passed through the prism of our present understanding in order to enlighten us.

Just because people are going through a season when they think God is mean, or doesn’t exist at all, does not mean that’s what they will feel in five years.

What is the consensus of human need on the issue? Find that–then draw an allegory, using the language of our times to present everlasting truth.

  • I don’t want society deciding what is valuable.
  • I don’t want to have a conversation with someone about television shows which extol violence, crime, graft, greed and incest and have him look at me with pity because I don’t understand that it’s “a true story.”
  • I don’t want to watch vampires suck the blood out of werewolves as witches place curses on hobbits who are out to pursue rings by killing dragons and believe that I am out of step because it is just necessary escapist fantasy. Maybe Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter are attempts at allegory, but they are so cluttered with the inclusion of destiny that they lose the passion of free will.

I admire allegory.

I appreciate the way Jesus used allegory in parables, explaining the kingdom of God to people by referencing fish, coins, bread yeast and mustard seeds instead of merely bitching about the Romans and complaining about the boring Pharisees.

Reality is not truth.

Truth is finding a way to share what has blessed our species for thousands of years … in a contemporary fashion.

 

Aerobics

Words from Dic(tionary)

dictionary with letter AAerobics: (n) vigorous exercises such as swimming or walking, designed to strengthen the heart or lungs.

  • I don’t.
  • I should.
  • I would if I could.
  • I could if I would.
  • I think about it.
  • I agree.
  • I laugh.
  • I’m curious.
  • I tried it.
  • I didn’t like it.
  • I didn’t exactly try it.
  • I kinda liked it.
  • I felt better afterwards.
  • I felt worse in the morning.
  • I think it costs money.
  • I think I’m broke.
  • There’s a program for free.
  • I pretended I didn’t hear that.
  • I’ve watched it on TV.
  • I’ve even made fun of it.
  • I’m convinced I’m the exception.
  • I guess I’m exceptionally convinced.

I am, of course, talking about aerobics.

There’s a process in the human experience in which information is either acknowledged, absorbed as truth and shipped off to the brain for storage in a cabinet, or else expelled from the emotions in a fitful desire for action.

Aerobics is one of those things that I know would be good for me and would improve my chances for longevity. But longevity seems so … well …long–when in the moment, I have the possibility of watching television with a side of chips and dip.

It’s the same way I feel about eternity. It’s really hard to get worked up about everlasting life when you have a two-hour window for watching television.

If they found a way to do aerobics without me knowing it–similar to peddling a bicycle while thinking that I’m relaxing and checking out a movie–that would be terrific. Until then I have to rely on my motivation, which, as I stated earlier, is greatly unfavorable to aerobics.

There are so many things that happen with aerobic exercise that are unpleasant. First of all, getting to your feet with the idea of movement. Secondly, taking things you would normally do slowly, but doing them fast, in order to sweat and raise your heart rate. (Don’t they usually give you medication when your heart races?? But now they want you to simulate one of the major symptoms of a heart attack…)

I guess it’s the mix of laziness, fear, aches, pains and feeling a bit foolish hopping about without the presence of hot coals at my feet.

By the way… did I say I admire it?