Monthly Archives: October 2015

Banter

Banter: (n) the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.Dictionary B

I do not know whether you’ve heard yet, or discovered it in the obituary columns, but banter has died.

The silly, challenging, comical, poking fun and sometimes nearly flirting with degrading conversations that friends once had with each other have been murdered because the movement of social media has deteriorated our interaction to, “please like me–or I hate you.”

Here is a startling statement: every piece of critique or even criticism is not necessarily meant to be confrontational.

I sometimes find myself joking with strangers in a grocery store, only to discover that they become alarmed if I even connote that they are anything short of divine.

Here’s what I know for sure–repentance is impossible if you already think you’re God.

If all your ways are righteous in your own eyes, then you will fail to realize that your emotional soul may be desperately in dissaray or on the verge of disintegration.

Introspection is what the human race requires to survive and to make sure that we don’t kill each other off.

And the best way to allow for introspection is to permit banter, which is a “safe zone,” where suggestions or ideas for discussion can be hatched without blatantly or viciously attacking another person.

Yes, long before I tell you that I think you’re an ass, I could have relieved some pressure by asserting that “even a monkey could learn how to change the toilet paper roll.”

We think we become more civilized by saying the right thing all the time, when all we’ve done is set up a situation for saying what we really feel–at the wrong time.

  • I would much rather you would joke with me than insult me.
  • I would prefer that you would poke fun at my foolishness instead of gossiping about me behind my back.

Banter is the gentle comedy we use to steer our friends in a different direction, so we don’t have to intervene … and constantly send them to rehab. 

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Banshee

Banshee: (n) in Irish legend, a female spirit whose wailing warns of an impending death in a house.Dictionary B

Although I am often surprised by Webster’s true definition of a word, this particular rendition really took my breath away.

It’s because when I was a child, I had an aunt who screamed at the children running in a room, telling us to settle down and stop acting like a “bunch of wild banshees.”

I did not know what a banshee was, nor did I care to ask her to explain. I just assumed that banshees were children who were having fun, which for some reason or another, drove this old lady crazy.

  • I knew “banshee” was not good.
  • I knew it was an insult.
  • Just like I privately knew, in my young spirit, that when my aunt used the words hillbilly, worthless slut, wetback and nigger, that she probably wasn’t being complimentary.

So in a sense, banshee became associated to me with the word nigger. In other words, I knew it was bad and I knew I didn’t want to be one, since it made my aunt so pissed off.

Oh, yes, did I fail to mention? She thought that the black people in America–the niggers–were just as uncontrolled as we banshees.

So I grew up a confused young man who was offered a lexicon of terms, which if I accidentally used in public, my parents–and aunt–would quickly silence me, expressing their displeasure over my timing.

I was a child of Middle America, instructed in “public talk” and “private talk” … cautioned to never mix the two.

 

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Banquet

Banquet: (n) an elaborate evening meal for many people, often followed by speeches.Dictionary B

Just yesterday.

After finishing up a successful gig, where I was inundated with the presence of fine human beings and the fortune of good finance, I was ready to celebrate.

I was shocked to discover that I wanted to eat–large quantities.

Then I realized that universally in our species, we reward ourselves for good behavior–or even good attendance at work–by holding a banquet, devouring fattening foods, and patting each other on the back as we listen to someone speak for 34 minutes on a subject on which we all agree, trying to keep from dozing off from the overindulgence in carbs and sweets.

God bless America.

Even though I was critical of myself for wanting to glutton after my success, I had to stop and wonder what alternatives are granted to us for such occasions.

  • I could get drunk. I never have done so.
  • Some people would grab their bong and sit on the “grass.” Once again, not my style.
  • I suppose I could sip coffee and ruminate over the elements of the success. That’s a little too “Mad Men” for me.

Yet I have never heard of anyone exercising or running after such a bounty.

No, I have to be honest–a banquet seems to be our universal answer when we feel the need for self-acclaim.

Maybe it goes back to our Norse roots–when we were Vikings and felt that overeating was required after all debauchery and pillaging.

I’m not sure.

But I will keep you updated.

If I find any good replacement for shoveling food in one’s mouth to fuel the human ego, I will certainly write you … so that we all might have healthier ways to feed our egos.

 

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“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

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Banister

Banister: (n) a handrail at the side of a staircase.Dictionary B

Because I am a fat man, I have great respect for banisters.

In my early years, I could take a set of stairs without ever touching that handrail, convinced in my youthful arrogance that such an object was merely for decoration.

But as I wore down my knees, and my legs became a bit leaden, the bannister became my cohort to reach the top. Matter of fact, at this stage in my life, I not only use the bannister, I embrace it.

For you see:

  • The power of youth is the energy to do things.
  • The weakness of youth is doing stupid things with too much energy.
  • The power of growing older is having less energy and therefore having to use your intelligence.
  • And of course, the foolishness of aging is failing to use intelligence and instead, bitching about your lack of energy.

A banister is there to assist us.

To appreciate assistance … we must first admit that we need it.

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Banish

Banish (v): to send someone away from a country or place as an official punishment.Dictionary B

All through my teenage years, I used my arrogance as a means of establishing dominance. And of course, dominance seemed to grant me justification for my arrogance.

I was convinced I was valuable.

I was energized by my obvious ability, and I had no comprehension of anyone disagreeing with my self-assessment.

All the time, I was quietly making enemies.

These enemies were silent out of fear of my intense attitude mingled with some respect for my accomplishments.

  • They were waiting.
  • They were biding their time, looking for me to fall.
  • And I did.

In my era, I committed the worst possible breach of local protocol–I got my girlfriend pregnant in a time when young people were not supposed to have any awareness of their genitalia.

On top of that, I was a good church-going boy who now was the father of a baby out of wedlock.

I needed wisdom.

I needed mercy.

I needed to know what the hell to do next.

But since I had never expressed vulnerability, no one allowed me the courtesy of being wounded. They took all of the pent-up anger and frustration over my self-righteousness, and banished me and my girlfriend to an island by ourselves, where we were viewed as outcasts and a disgrace to the populace.

Now, I’m sure my reflections may seem overwrought, and the testimony of others who lived through the era might render a different tale.

But banishment is not the reality of the action. Instead, it is the sensation of the loneliness.

And I was lonely–so lonely that I considered aborting the very child that made my union with this dear woman viable.

I didn’t.

I survived the banishment and I guess my village got over all of my hypocritical indiscretion.

Life went on.

The amazing thing is that I have found myself many times possessing the same seat of judgment, with the ability to levy punishment against others and banish them from my sight.

I cannot tell you that my record is spotless and that I’ve always been a just judge.

But thank God, often the memory of being solitary and confined to my own iniquity and mistakes has caused me to extend tenderness … instead of shoving the problem-makers away.

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Bane

Bane: (n) a cause of great distress or annoyance.Dictionary B

I am human.

I have a heart which is basically a series of scattered emotions, which do not necessarily steer me in the right direction.

I believe I have a soul, even though I am certainly not truly spiritual.

I have a mind, which too often is cluttered with memories and training rather than expansive and elastic for new ideas.

And I have a strength–a body–which in my case is burdened with poundage.

Knowing the bane of my existence in all four of these areas allows me to maintain both humility and a passion for intelligent self-improvement.

So the bane of my efforts in my heart is thinking that because I feel it, it must be real. Actually, if I feel it, it’s important to find out why I feel it and why it is possibly not real.

The bane of my soul is that I am asked to believe spiritual things which are irrelevant to my actual journey, while discovering how powerful I truly can be.

The bane of my brain is that it’s insane. It is trapped in repetition and must be taken out of that cycle in order to make progress straightly.

And the next thing I eat needs to have the good taste of flavor and the good sense of nutrition or the bane of my strength will be weakness.

If we do not recognize the bane, we begin to deceive ourselves that the way we are will satisfy our needs.

Without being challenged, our arms become too short and our legs lay limp.

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Bandy

Bandy: (v) to pass from one to another or back and forth; give and take; to bandy wordsDictionary B

An optimist may feel ordained by the angels to bring hope to any given situation, but becomes ineffective because being in the presence of a pessimist causes him or her to be depressed.

This leaves the realist sitting on the sidelines, shaking his or her head over the foolishness of both extremes.

Thus we have the standoff on Earth which promotes more self-righteousness than progress.

  • Optimists believe they are good.
  • Pessimists contend that evil is too strong.
  • And realists are ignored because they don’t offer any tools on how to tear down the wall.

It has come time in our season on Earth to begin to bandy about ideas which are enriching to the human heart, without trying to turn our emotions into mere marshmallow cream.

What do I desire to be bandied about in the general populace?

  1. Human beings are neither good nor evil. They ascend from dust to become earth, to hopefully reach for the stars.
  2. Forgiveness is not resolution. It is the perfect way to ignore stupidity while you’re waiting for karma to expose it.
  3. Men and women are not different. As long as we insist they are, we will treat one better than the other.
  4. We are not bound by or to our culture. Rather, we are blessed with customs which are endearing but also commanded by life to find similarities with all our brothers and sisters.
  5. And finally, revenge doesn’t work because it has no end. Sooner or later someone has to scream to the surrounding chaos, “What the hell? Let’s move on.” The sooner we do this, the lower the death toll.

These are just a few ideas I present which are not optimistic, pessimistic or realistic.

I would venture to call them humanistic.

 

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Bandwagon

Bandwagon: (n) a particular activity or cause that has suddenly become fashionable or popular.Dictionary B

Jumping on the bandwagon sounds a little bit too energetic.

I need that bandwagon to stop long enough that I have the chance to check the tires, consider the seating possibilities and make sure I’m fully aware of the itinerary.

This is why I become comically frustrated with the Republicans and Democrats. Often I even change their names to the Repudiators and the Demonstrators.

  • For it seems that the conservative approach to life is an attempt to avoid progress for fear that it will taint tradition.
  • And the liberal insight is the “what the hell, let’s try it”–with no preparation for how this new activity might be counterproductive to the human race.

I do not favor bandwagons.

First of all, having played a musical instrument in my life, doing so on a moving object is much less tuneful.

Secondly, popularity only requires cheering and applauding, not necessarily thinking.

So when the bandwagon comes through town drumming up new business, I always ask myself three quick questions:

  1. Has history already proven that what we’re about to try is stupid?
  2. Is this an attempt to improve us as people, or just excuse our inadequacy?
  3. And finally, is it flexible enough that when parts of it are proven wrong, it will evolve and change instead of dig its heels in, continuing the failure?

When those three questions are asked and satisfied, the bandwagon is well worth jumping upon–or in my case, finding an easy point of entrance … and gingerly climbing aboard.

 

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Bandstand

Bandstand: (n) a covered outdoor platform for a band to play on, typically in a park.Dictionary B

Summertime in Middle America is a collision of tradition and revision.

Because right in the midst of the Internet generation are the simple pleasures of small towns, gathering a handful of local musicians to hold 25 rehearsals to play 12 songs in a bandstand in the center of the town square, to the delight of the old folks, and an opportunity for the younger generation to meet together on summer vacation outside the confines of the local school.

It is a sight to behold.

The musicians are a little nervous, uncertain of themselves, yet self-possessed with the importance of the moment.

The director has dressed for the occasion and struts around like he’s Leonard Bernstein at the premiere of West Side Story.

And the old folks sit in rickety wooden chairs, turning to one another and conversing about as many inane topics as possible before being silenced by the orchestra tuning up (and never quite achieving pitch.)

The little kids run and play, and the teenagers yearn for dusk, when they can slip away from their parents and investigate the pleasure of one another’s bodies in the alcove of the staircase next to the local library.

It is America.

It is the blending of the old with the new, in some sort of temporary agreement over a poorly performed Sousa march.

It is something we must never lose, although we should never regale it as being more important than mercy and justice.

The bandstand sits quietly the rest of the year, part of the time covered in leaves and on other occasions nearly hidden by snow.

But when it is ready, and when it is time, it encircles the warmth of feelings which can only be expressed by those who awkwardly care for one another.

 

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Bandit

Bandit: (n) a robber or outlaw belonging to a gangDictionary B

“Bandit” is normally a word that would appear in the narrative of a novelist who has already used the terms “crook, hoodlum, robber and renegade” and finally resorts to “bandit.”

But “bandit” is an important word, even if I didn’t have to write about it.

Very simply, a bandit is someone who steals from you.

I can honestly apply the term to many Hollywood producers who have certainly been bandits by robbing me of precious hours of time with their inane offerings.

I have also run across bandits in the clergy–who have sucked my life out with some sort of sermon or homily, going down a gospel trail to end up at the cave of misunderstanding.

Let us not forget the politicians, who are bandits not only in their misuse of money, but also by crapping on the honor of representing “we, the people.”

But what really struck me as I looked at this word is how often I might be a bandit.

  • How many times have I quietly taken something that was not mine because no one was looking?
  • How many times have I robbed the needful respect and dignity of other human beings so as to make myself look superior?
  • Can I count the occasions when I have purposefully dominated the conversation for fear that someone else might actually gain a breath of appreciation?

Bandits steal.

Perhaps one of the worst attributes of terrorism is the fact that they disengage us from our sense of well-being and turn us into defensive weaklings, hiding behind our fear.

Bandits are robbers–and as robbers, they are crooked.

And from their crookedness they try to scare us away … from straightening the paths.

 

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