Tag Archives: women

Cleavage

Cleavage: (n) the hollow between a woman’s breasts

Jimmy was my friend. This was back in the day when the name “Jimmy” did not elicit laughter.

He was one year older than me. I was eleven. (You can do the math.)

Jimmy had a mom. I had a mom, too, but she was a mother. Jimmy’s mom was young and had the largest breasts I had ever seen. I was only
 eleven, so I hadn’t thought that much about breasts. Most of the ones I had spied belonged to my aging relatives, and they were similar to the appearance and texture of an avocado.

Not Jimmy’s mom.

Even though we lived in a time when the “prude laws of behavior” were held supreme, Jimmy’s mom walked around the yard in a bikini, watering the plants. There was a tree not more than twenty paces from where she did her work, and I situated myself so I could stare at her as she gracefully bent over with her hose.

The bikini was so small that I could almost see all the way down to her nipples. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld (and I had a Viewmaster with pictures of the Grand Canyon).

She was so …

I don’t know. I guess the word is “sexy,” even though I didn’t know there was such a thing as sex.

All I knew was that every time I stared at her ample cleavage, I got warm, I tingled and the lower parts of my body ached. It was like there was something they thought they should be doing, and they were being deprived of it, but since I was so ignorant, all I could do was quietly writhe between pain and pleasure.

One day I thought she saw me, so in the most clumsy way possible I ran across the street, back into my garage, finding it difficult to do so because, for some reason, my pee-pee hole had grown, making it cumbersome to speed away.

I’ve never shared this before and perhaps will never share it again.

But it was definitely my sexual awakening–and even though I did not know what the hell was going on, I was very grateful to Jimmy’s mom for owning a bikini and being brave enough to wear it.

Cleavage is a reminder to men that women are the only humans on Earth that are truly beautiful when unclothed.

 

Donate Button

Brunt

j-r-practix-with-border-2

Brunt: (n) the worst part a specified thing

As a man, I must learn how to take the brunt without becoming a brute.

Maybe that’s also true for women. I’m not sure.

But having raised six sons to adulthood, I realize there were times that I needed to buck up, hide the pain, take the short straw and survive the greatest segment of difficulty.Dictionary B

It isn’t an issue of being macho–it is more the situation of realizing that somebody will probably end up being the fall guy, and choosing that position is better than being drafted.

I’ve always been proud of the fact that I provided for my family, but there were close moments. There were some times when groceries were less plentiful.

And I will certainly confess that my big, fat belly wanted to take the lion’s share of the macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, but instead, I divided it evenly among the family–only to realize there still was not enough, and limited my intake to a couple of quick bites over the pan on the burner.

There is pain in life.

It is always better to count the cost and choose what portion you’re going to receive.

But to live in a world where no one is willing to take the brunt of the responsibility is to welcome a congress of liars and an adult playground occupied by emotional babies.

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

 

Boggle

Boggle: (v) to be astonished or overwhelmed when trying to imagine something.

Human beings are emotional creatures.Dictionary B

Perhaps our greatest error is when we fail to recognize this simple fact.

It’s not that women are emotional and men aren’t. Men cry like babies when they lose a football game.

We even have religions which try to do away with emotion, contending it’s the universal stumbling block to spiritual growth.

Good luck.

Our emotions will not be denied, ignored or passed over in favor of reasoning.

So long before our minds are boggled, we are emotionally confused and spiritually vacant. In other words, we have a feeling about something and no belief system to address it, so we are brain-dead-confounded.

One of the best reasons to believe in a Creator is to understand how we were created. We feel, we believe and then we think–even though there are those who say we should think first and then develop belief, ending with a confident feeling.

But it doesn’t work that way.

We feel first and then have belief so that we actually can think about it and come up with a common sense solution.

Our entire society, political arena and world order is presently boggled.

Why?

Because no one wants to deal with their feelings, and then find the faith to be reasonable.

 

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

Jonathan’s Latest Book Release!

PoHymn: A Rustling in the Stagnant

Click here to get your copy now!

PoHymn cover jon

 

 

Biscuit

Biscuit: (n) a small, typically round cake of bread leavened with yeast

There is a certain comfort in self-deception.Dictionary B

Even though lying to oneself seems to be an egregious error, at certain moments in the journey, it can be as comforting as a swallow of chipped ice on a hot day.

For years and years, I insisted that I did not like biscuits. Matter of fact, I was even guilty of planting the notion that bread was distasteful to my “buds.”

But anyone who followed me around or who was acquainted with my eating habits, would find that I was either the biggest, fattest liar who ever lived, or the weakest, dumbest avoider of temptation.

Especially if someone brought biscuits to the table accompanied by sausage gravy, I would “break down” and have one–which soon was edited, in my mind, to be “one plateful.”

Biscuits are good when they’re hot, very similar to coffee…and women.

When they sit too long, they congeal or get hardened (once again, paralleling the afore-mentioned).

  • I know they are high in calories.
  • I know they’re filled with carbs.

But when they arrive at the table hot, it is very difficult to resist them (once again, quite apropos to coffee and women).

Donate ButtonThank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

Beseech

Beseech: (v) to ask someone urgently and fervently to do something

Dictionary B

I beseech politicians to answer the question and then offer explanation instead of the other way around.

I beseech women to stop thinking they are smarter by treating men like they’re dumb.

I beseech men to stop acting dumb while secretly relegating women to a secondary position.

I beseech religion to start believing that God is our Father and therefore does not want to hurt us.

I beseech business to perfect the product before inflating the price.

I beseech parents to create a balance of responsibility and blessing for their children.

I beseech the military to be so prepared and so powerful that they don’t ever have to actually prove their worth.

I beseech educators to teach a balance of humility with information, since we are constantly learning things that contradict our arrogance.

I beseech those who are blessed to imagine what it is like to be without such a courtesy before deciding to judge weaker brothers.

I beseech the homeless to organize and simplify their lives to match their financial intake.

I beseech those who offer counsel to do so with an eye on their own weaknesses instead of merely poring over the philosophies of psychologists.

I beseech humanity to step far enough out of the jungle to plant a garden.

I beseech myself to remember all these things that I have beseeched from others.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

Beloved

Beloved: (adj) dearly loved.

Dictionary B

I didn’t like the script so I’ve written my own play.

The script provided for me by the American culture says I should really love those people who love me, who are attached to me, or who were spawned from my seed. The rest of the world is supposed to be viewed with various contortions of suspicion.

I found the premise for this theatrical presentation of “Life on Earth” to be boring, short-sighted, and lacking in plot twists to grant a thrill.

Somewhere along the line, mankind, humankind, or whatever-kind needs to become beloved to me.

This does not mean that everyone I meet will curry my favor, but it does promote the idea that if I start off viewing all women as my sisters, all men as my brothers and all children as my immediate kin, I have a much better chance of being valuable to the world than if I close off membership in my circle to the tiny ring I call friends.

Then, if I do run across those who are not very brotherly, sisterly or childlike, I can give myself a great gift: avoid them.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix 

 

Beefcake

Beefcake: (n) an attractive man with well-developed muscles.Dictionary B

On those rare occasions when I find myself naked, I always avert my eyes from looking in the mirror.

Matter of fact, I’m a little reluctant to share that thought, because there are individuals who would consider my decision to not view my body as a negative or a sign of insecurity.

Honestly, I just find it smart.

There are only two things that can happen when you look in the mirror: some form of disgust, or an intruding pride.

In both cases, there is little benefit.

If I think I’m ugly, confirming that by my reflection is not helpful to the self-confidence required for me to survive a normal day.

Then again, if I peer into the mirror and believe myself to be beautiful–a beefcake–then an obnoxious pride will make me ill-suited to interact with those who may not completely agree with my assessment.

I also have known many women over the years, and will tell you that they are the most gentle, forgiving and open-minded beings on Earth concerning the physical weaknesses of the men who have come into their space. I suppose there are ladies who want to peer at men’s bodies with a lascivious leer, but women often close their eyes, allowing their imaginations to fill in the blanks to stimulate adequate lust for a great sexual encounter.

I am not a beefcake.

I am not willing to do what is necessary to become a beefcake.

So I am looking for friends and women … who have a sweet tooth for a cream puff.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

 

 

 

Barren

Barren: (adj) unproductive and infertileDictionary B

In case you do not understand that we live in a world of misogyny, you must take into consideration the word “barren.” It is a term that we normally associate with a woman who is incapable of conceiving a child.

Matter of fact, it is one of the three “B words” applied to the female of our species to degrade them and make them seem hopelessly dysfunctional in everyday life, and of course, incapable of leadership.

Barren Bickering Bitches.

These are the three “B’s” that are tied to our ladies to create a snicker in the testosterone-driven world, and to confirm our assertion that women are best when beating a path between the bedroom and the kitchen.

We never say that a man who has dead sperm is “barren.” He is just “unable to make babies” or has a shortage of some chemical in him which can be assisted by medication.

But darned tootin’–if a woman has an unwilling uterus, she is both unproductive and infertile, thus barren.

Men debate. Women bicker.

Men object. Women bitch.

There is a systematic bigotry instilled into our society, not just by the penis crowd, but also propagated by enough vaginas to keep it alive and functioning.

So every time I hear the word “barren” I see a woman in the desert, panting for water … while simultaneously wishing that she could conceive a baby.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

*******************
Don’t let another Christmas go by without purchasing Jonathan’s bestselling Christmas book!

Mr. Kringle’s Tales … 26 Stories ‘Til Christmas

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle's Tales...26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

Click here to read all about Mr. Kringle’s Tales…26 Stories Til Christmas! Only $5.99 plus $1.25 shipping and handling.

 

“The best Christmas stories I’ve ever read!”

From the toy shop to the manger, an advent calendar of Christmas stories, beginning on November 30th and ending on Christmas morning.

We need a good Christmas this year.

Mr. Kringle’s Tales will help you make it so.

Buy today.

"Buy

 

 

 

Arcane

dictionary with letter A

Arcane: (adj) understood by few; mysterious or secret

Arcane:

1. War has no purpose other than thinning the herd.

2. Self-esteem never leads to unity of human beings and greater understanding.

3. Women are better than men or men are better than women. Just not so.

4. Politics has no function in governing people.

5. A religion of rules is a prison of morals.

6. It is impossible to watch dark things without becoming darkened.

7. There is no way that studying one’s culture ever aids you in becoming a citizen of the world.

8. All religion is not the same. It must be held to a standard of mutual respect and cooperation with fellow humans.

9. Money does not give happiness, but the lack of money certainly welcomes despair.

10. The pursuit of knowledge without the appreciation of life is owning a race car without fuel.

11. Just as choosing up sides at basketball in gym class was an extraordinarily unsuccessful adventure, so is any attempt to segregate one another.

12. As soon as we stop being known by our skin color, our politics, our religion and our sexual orientation, we can actually begin to be known by the openness and good cheer of our hearts.

These ideas may be arcane, but they will continue to follow us until we turn around and welcome them in.

 

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix

Arbitrary

dictionary with letter A

Arbitrary: (adj) based on random choice or personal whim, rather than any reason or system.

When everything is considered important, nothing truly has value.

Half the time I don’t know whether to burst out laughing or cry as I watch the entanglement of emotions in our society, giving place to things, feelings and problems that really just don’t matter.

I am going to give you a list of those things which I find to be arbitrary, and therefore annoying and useless, generating a traffic jams in our human flow:

1. I don’t care if you’re Republican or Democrat. Pass a damn law.

2. I do not care that Kim Kardashian has a large butt. Perhaps some of it should be transferred to her cranium.

3. I do not care, on The Voice, if you have a family, children, a mother with cancer or are going through a financial hard time. I thought you wanted to be a singer, not a hard case. Shut up and sing.

4. I do not care about church doctrine. I want you to tell me better ways to “love my neighbor as myself.”

5. I certainly am appalled at the views some folks have of women, using religion to punish them, which creates a self-defeating environment where you soon will have nobody to romance.

6. I do not care to hear about every time a celebrity is in a bad mood. After all, since they have financial security, they should probably pursue a traditional form of gratitude to rectify their surly nature.

7. I don’t care if you’re black, white, red, yellow, brown, tan, rose, pink or any particular hue. I would just like you to be nicer.

8. I would like people who are caught in hypocrisy to admit that they were hit by a dumb stick instead of hitting me with a stick and acting like I am dumb for challenging them.

9. I would like to live in a world where truth is still honored and lying is considered to be a negative thing instead of a “natural” thing.

10. I would like the 24-hour news cycle to at least take a daily nap so they don’t have to embellish every little stupid thing that comes along.

And even though I am supposed to end at #10, I will do an 11th, which is:

11. I am tired of the spiritual, political and social correctness which promises the right of free speech, but only as long as you agree with the majority.

If we remain determined to make everything a story … there will soon be no true stories to tell.

Donate Button

Thank you for enjoying Words from Dic(tionary) —  J.R. Practix